Week 8: We Really Ginny'd This Week

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Let's face it, we all knew that Ginny was going to Ginny it up at some point this season. I mean, how long could the Manning/Welker combo keep up their frenzied pace? But I don't think any of us could have predicted that Ginny's team would go full-on Ginny at the Ginniest point in the season! During his only match-up against Rock.

I don't mean to pile on Ginny, I still think he's got the best team in the league. It's just that to say anything other than he blew it would mean that I would have to give Rock credit for a victory that was deserved. We all know I'm not doing that.

At least I won't have to take out a loan to fund the two drink chips I promised each person who conquers Rock (we all know how pricey they are). But as an act of good faith to the Ginny for giving it his all, I'm going to do him a solid and buy him a single drink chip.

In a weird way, my all-consuming desire to watch Rock fail this year has brought me closer to the rest of you guys. It's like all my fantasy hate has been channeled into a single stream of disgust leading to Rock, and it's bypassing the other 10 members of the league.

And on that note, I wanna say I'm sorry to B-Shorts. I had no business being triumphant this week. The victory margin was razor thin. If Andy Dalton had one less passing yard, I lose. If Adrian Peterson had one less rushing yard, I lose. If Michael Floyd had one less receiving yard, I lose. Even with all that, if Lamar Miller had one more rushing yard you'd win. And don't get me started on how badly your kicker screwed you over. It was a well fought game, I'm glad that was our only regular season match-up.

Joe Pro, your team has been impressive lately. 284.5 points in the last two weeks. Well done.

Joey, 297.5 in the last two weeks. I sure don't look forward to playing against you now.

Finally, it was too bad that all three Klumpp brothers couldn't win. But I'm happy to see that two of you were able to get a victory.

Congratulations to all this week's winners*, and better luck next time to the teams that came up a bit short.

*(except Rock)

Week 7: The Russian Dash-Cam Comparison

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Alright, just follow me on this one for a second. For those of you who might already be aware, I've steadily become a fan of Russia over the last few years. More specifically, I'm a big supporter of Vladimir Putin and his no nonsense approach to getting things done. I can't tell you how much I wish we had someone like that cleaning up this country. But this post isn't about my political beliefs.

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Anyway, in case you didn't know, nearly all Russian vehicles are equipped with dash-cams. You may have seen a few clips whenever the news does a story on that meteorite which entered the Earth's atmosphere a while back. Well these cameras have caught all sorts of craziness going on over there (mostly accidents), but it's a real nice peek into the bat-shit insanity that seems to take place on a regular basis in Russia. In fact, it makes me wonder how the hell they didn't stomp us into the ground during the cold war. The point is, I've become obsessed with these dash-cam videos and I thought I would describe each of the match-ups this week by explaining the outcomes through the lost art of animated gifs.

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Joey & Vic

After Joey put up the fewest points in the league last week, he was coming into this matchup looking to assert his dominance. In other words, Joey's team isn't the biggest or best right now, but they can still pound the hell out of someone weaker than they are. The fight in this picture is a lot like the score between the Bible Thumpers & Wadhams Total Fitness: One sided, and leaving us to ponder if it was humorous or sad. Poor Vic never had a chance.
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Spae & T-Smoke

Spae was riding high coming off the win over the champ last week. With gusto to spare, he wasn't about to let T-Smoke squeeze into the mix with a victory. But T, after getting back to his thug roots, pulled his gat on him and essentially said: "You're letting me in whether you want to or not". Sadly for Spae, he had to swallow his pride and just give up the position.
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B-Shorts & Don

A 96-91 final score isn't that exciting. But it was close (like a lot of the games this week). In the end, it was only a matter of inches (a couple more rushing/receiving yards), and things would have wound up a lot differently.

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Ginny & Joe Pro

This game was a shootout, plain and simple. Joe Pro jumped out to a big lead, but Ginny kept coming at him all afternoon and into the evening. Like in the gif: LEFT!!! RIGHT!!! SPIN MOVE!!! In the end, Joe Pro manages to get through it with a three and a half point victory. REALLY CLOSE CALL!
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Wad & Urgie

I'm a lot like the driver in the SUV here, moving along just fine. No problems, Brady only puts up 7 points for Urgie. It should be smooth sailing to victory right? Then, all of a sudden my team starts going off the road for no reason at all (Adrian Peterson only gets 5 points!) The next thing I know I get smashed. Just plain obliterated. Seriously did not see this coming.
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Rock & Davie

Was this really the championship match-up from last season? Seriously, was it? 82.5-78? Davie came into this game with the second most points scored all year behind only Ginny. He was going to put the hurt on the Rock and coast to an easy victory (He's a sitting duck. A road apple, Newman). Davie was supposed to be the unstoppable juggernaut like the semi pictured here; plowing through anything that comes across its path. But Rock is as lucky as the guy who climbs from the area of the truck where the windshield used to be. By all accounts he should've been destroyed, but somehow he continues to walk away unscathed when pretty much ANY OTHER PERSON would have been killed.
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Week 6: Rock Finally Loses!

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There are some things in this life that are worth waiting for. Examples such as the rare sequel, season finale, or Super Bowl that actually lives up to its hype. A cold beer on a hot July afternoon spent mowing the lawn. Or even an Anthony Jeselnik / Mitch Hedberg punchline.

This loss is just what the doctor ordered. I don't even mind the thrashing T-Smoke put on me, as long as Rock's reign of terror has drawn to a close.

Ironically enough, the win streak comes to a halt on the day the trophy is rightfully returned to the commissioner's office (AKA: The top shelf of my closet)

I'm keeping the update short this week because there is literally nothing else I can say that would be any better than a Rock loss.

Week 5: Sharing $50 Worth of Compliments

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The more time I spend out in public (at the gym, bars, restaurants, malls, sporting events, etc.), the more I've come to the conclusion that there are a lot of people in this world who are self-centered, entitlement princesses, egotistical, selfish, and don't care about anyone other than themselves. That's why I wanted to take the opportunity to use this update to let you guys to know just how much I treasure the friendships that we all share.

Over the weekend, a good friend of mine gave me a book of compliments valued at $50. I did nothing to earn this book, my friend was just nice enough to give it to me out of the kindness of his heart. Since a $50 book has a lot of compliments, I figured the right thing to do would be to share just a small number of them with friends.

Spae: You're a dedicated teacher and buddy. Even though I don't care for basketball, I admire your commitment to learning, and teaching the sport. It's an endeavor of passion that I can only hope to achieve some day in my own life. Through all the years I've given you grief in fantasy football, you've managed to find the restraint to keep from lashing out at me, and I would like you to know I appreciate that.

Vic: The devotion you have shown to your religious beliefs has been unwavering, and I can't help but respect you for it. I might take a few good nurtured jabs at you with my team name, and atheist fantasy football persona, but through it all you've demonstrated a restraint worthy of the book of Matthew 5:39. You're also only one of two people to win a championship more than once.

B-Shorts: On those occasions where I see you out at the bar, I can always count on you to be up for another beer, and for the few occasions when I need a CNS stimulant, you don't seem to mind letting me bum a smoke. We can count on you to bring over something to eat when you come by Devin's on Sunday for the games. Even though your team might not be doing very well this season, I'm confident you'll make the NFL proud once again to have you in their division.

Ginny: You always give us a place to hang out on Sunday to watch the football games. All you ask in return is the pleasure of our company, and that we bring something to snack on. It makes me feel good knowing that you now have a team that is arguably the best in the league. Keep up all the great work.

T-Smoke: You're one of the hardest working guys I know. But not only that, you have the rare ability to make a joke at someone's expense without them feeling like it's a personal attack. It's a skill I would love to be able to add to my repertoire. In the fantasy world, you're finally starting to add some great pieces to the team which should help you more in the coming seasons.

Joey: I've been friends with you longer than I have with anyone else in the league. Through all the years, you managed to tolerate my social ineptitude, and I know that couldn't have been easy. But I think what has kept us friends this long has been the fact that both of us are willing to be as obnoxious as possible without caring how strange we might seem to other people (OJ). When it comes to fantasy football... I can't oversell how much you've helped me. From introducing me to my first league in 1998, showing me the website you use, to mentoring me as to which players to take. All of this helped contribute to my championship and the league we have today. Thank you.

Davie: Smart people are great to be around. And so are patient people. But you manage to be smart and patient at the same time, which is such an amazing, rare combination. It's good to see you turn your team around from a team that had Knowshon Moreno, and Beanie Wells as their first overall picks, to a potential championship contender.

Don: No matter what the circumstances, you'll always be up for a good party and your quick wit never ceases to make us laugh. I think I speak for everyone when I say how much it amazes me that you seem to be the only one who can poke fun at the king of Lockport without any reprisals. The gradual  improvement you’re showing with your team is commendable. I can see that you're definitely trying more than in the past years, and I think you're not far off from finishing in the money some day soon.

Joe Pro: You're a budding family man who has always been ready to share whatever you have with the rest of us. In the years I've known you, you've demonstrated a limitless generosity without asking for anything in return. The relationship you have with your father makes me wish I could be that close with my own dad. Fantasy wise: You managed to take over a team when you joined the league and turn them into champions. Keep it up, and I can't imagine that a second one is too far off.

Urgie: With a level head and strong work ethic, both of which you got from your father, you've had more bad breaks in the world of fantasy football than the rest of us put together. But through it all you never blame anyone, or lose your cool. You just keep right on grinding through season after season. If there is any justice in this universe, you'll get your name on that trophy soon enough!

That's it you guys, I hope you know just how much I enjoyed sharing this with all of you. After all: Sharing is caring.

Week 4: The Wrath of Rock

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"Roooooock!"

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I'll be honest, after Tannehill floated that gift up to get intercepted, I just shut the TV off and wanted nothing to do with fantasy football for the rest of the night. All he had to do was not throw a pick. Or in the absence of that, just throw for one more passing yard to ensure that the best Rock could do was tie. Sadly, neither scenario played out and now we have the team with the SECOND FEWEST POINTS SCORED ALL YEAR with an undefeated record of 4-0!

There were a number of ways I thought about taking this update.

1. An open letter from the Underdogs Fantasy Football Trophy to it's members begging to be rescued from the clutches of Sebastian Drive. I don't know if the chalice holds any mystical powers, but the fact that Rock was supposed to surrender it after the draft but still keeps it locked away might be a legitimate reason he is still undefeated.
2. Making a case that there in fact is no God. When the Christ Punchers score the most points for the week against their religious rival, combined with Rock's continued win streak, it begs the question: "Where was God in all this?"

In the end, I just decided to stick with what has been my go to update theme: Saying "screw Rock!" What really burns me is I know that deep within the darkest corners of his home he's smiling, thinking that his team is actually good, and these victories are all well deserved.

T-Smoke, it's on you now. The entirety of the league's hopes and dreams fall on your injured shoulders. Just remember to keep your pimp hand strong and slap the champ back into reality!

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Week 3: Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa POWER! (Rankings)

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I know I say it every week, but sorry about the delay with the update. This time I have a legitimate excuse, a note from my doctor as it were. I didn't mention it to anyone, but I had minor surgery under my tongue on Tuesday to remove a salivary gland stone that had been obstructing my saliva duct. That infection I had under my tongue at the draft was a result of the blockage. Fortunately things went well and I'm doing fine.
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With that that being said, I thought I'd do something different now that the season is roughly 1/4 complete, and come out with what will probably be a quarterly Underdogs Fantasy Football Power Rankings.

1. The White Welkers (Devin Ginty) - With Manning way ahead of everyone in fantasy points, and the Broncos' offense putting up monster numbers, it looks like you can count on the 3-0 Welkers to consistently be a difficult team to play. If there is anything to be concerned about it's that Manning can't keep up this pace for too many more years, so the window for the White Welkers to clinch their first UDFFL championship is getting smaller. I'm starting to think that it's this year or bust.
2. Calvin Candies' Ballers (David Haylett) - Jimmy Graham is absolutely on fire this season, and to be honest, this team could be a strong contender for the #1 position. Unfortunately for the Ballers, the head-to-head loss to The White Welkers in week one dropped them to the #2 slot.
3. TSM TuffNuts (Eric Klumpp) - Another team with a rough amount of points scored against that kept them from being unbeaten. With Brees & Vick, it's possible they have the best quarterback tandem in the league, giving them a lot of opportunity for substitutions each week. And with the premium amount of points the QB can score, that could be rough for anyone hoping for a poor defensive matchup. If Jamaal Charles can stay healthy, they have a real shot at the cup.
4. Discount Double Check (Phil Haylett) - They have a RB, QB, WR, & DT all in the top six of their respective positions. This is gives DDD points from all over the field in a way not many other teams can duplicate . And despite the owner's claims that the newly imposed -2 points for a QB interception is unfair, I think it should be noted that even with the new rule, 9 of the top 11 point scorers in this league are quarterbacks.
5. Wadhams Total Fitness (Joe Slomba) - With two of his darkest and most beloved receivers, Calvin Johnson & A.J. Green both in the top 10 in receiver scoring, WTF is a threat to overcome almost any deficit if either of these two can get a long TD. I know some of you might balk at this because of their 1-2 record, but considering the nearly 400 points they've had scored against them, it's a safe bet they'll bounce back to make the postseason.
6. Dezzie Does Dallas (Greg Gajkowski) - Even though they're only one of two teams that are undefeated, this team has had the fourth fewest points scored this season. It's a trend that cant continue over the course of a 13 game regular season. Simply put, they're reaping the benefits of an easy early season schedule. With Ray Rice out, and Doug Martin coming back down to earth after his rookie year, DDD are going to be hard pressed to repeat.
7. The Christ Punchers (Peter Mayers) - Despite having the #1 & #2 RB's on the roster, their lack of talent at the WR & QB position is a cause for concern. The hope of a Gronkowski comeback might not matter if he isn't on the roster soon. This is a bubble team hoping for a shot at the postseason.
8. The Shockers (Joe Provino) - After the Steven Jackson injury, this is a team that is flirting with a .500 record. It's still too early to know what this roster can do, but if Frank Gore and Dwayne Bowe can return to form and pick up the slack until Jackson's projected week 7 return, look for the Shockers to be another one of the "bubble teams".
9. Chunk's Truffle Shuffle (Kevin Klumpp) - The only team who wants the return of Rob Gronkowski just as much as the Christ Punchers. Tom Brady's lack of quality receivers has made life difficult for CTS, but if Reggie Bush can get healthy again, and Marshawn Lynch, continues his consistent play, look for CTS to continue to rack up enough wins to stay in the hunt.
10. Bible Thumpers (Jeffrey Klumpp) - Long gone are the days when Ladanian Tomlinson kept this team in contention year after year. While the team has improved over their last place finish in 2012, keepers Larry Fitzgerald and David Wilson are grossly under-performing. It looks like the Thumpers are going to spend another season on the outside looking in when it comes to the playoffs.
11. Reggie Roby's Watch (Don Merritt) - Robert Griffin III is having a difficult time duplicating the success of his rookie season, but that's not a major issue since Matthew Stafford is more than an adequate replacement. Unfortunately, inconsistent play from the receivers as well as injuries to Maurice Jones-Drew, and Jonathan Stewart as well as Justin Blackmon's suspension have all added up to a rough year for Roby.
12. LakefestCess PoolRashOhNasty (Jeremy Bshorts) - We knew full well going into this season that it was going to be a rebuilding year after the only keeper was Roddy White, but few could've predicted how poorly this team was going to be. Demaryius Thomas has been the lone bright spot in an otherwise forgettable roster of underachievers and injury prone RB's & WR's. Unless things change soon, we can put LakefestCess PoolRashOhNasty on the clock for the first overall pick in 2014.

Week 2: The Rich Get Richer

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So that's two years in a row I've lost to Ginny. And what's worse, the Rock wins again! Funny stat: If Rock had played ANYONE other than B-Shorts this week, he'd have lost. I guess you can save this emergency tiara for another day...


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On a positive note (since rock hates all the "negativity"), T-Smoke rallied for a win this week. Even in the face of the interception penalty that was imposed this year for quarterbacks. Regardless... after an Aaron Rodgers beatdown like that, I'm sure T's feelin' like:


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Finally, after putting up a shitload of points against Ginny last week and still losing, Davie wasn't going to be denied again.



That's your penance for cutting Davie from the basketball team in 06!
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Week 3 Coming up...

Week 1: The Struggle Between Good & Evil

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"Inside every man is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved."
          - Homer Simpson
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I’ll be honest, I actually did an update late last night and almost published it. But I decided to hold back. The story goes like this:

Sunday we were at Ginny’s house watching the game and we all kind of agreed that Rock (as grand master of all things fantasy football) has become the new villain of the league. It’s a title that I’ve held down for the last decade and now it’s slipped away. So not to be outdone, I decided to make comparisons as to which famous pop culture villain each of us represented. Some of the examples were pretty benign (Ginny was going to be John Kreese, the Kobra Kai sensei  from the Karate Kid. You know, for all his badassery and striking first/striking hard while showing no mercy; he winds up getting humiliated at the end [via Mr. Miyagi’s nose honk]).

But some were less friendly, and borderline mean. At least mean enough to the point that I didn’t feel like dealing with all the whining and victimhood claims that I know I’d get.

So rather than focus on what could have been, let’s just move on and look forward to week 2.

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The 2013 Season Begins Tonight

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As always, sorry about the delay. I've just had a few things keeping me from getting stuff done around the site. I promise that I'll do my best to keep things updated and on time this season.

For those of you who would like to relive the magic of Rock's contemptuous championship speech to his subordinates, I uploaded it to YouTube and embedded it below.



Good luck to everyone this season, and may the best team win.
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Keepers

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Sorry about the delay, but I've been running around trying to get things done before the first day of classes tomorrow. Here's a screen-cap of the draft board I took from my program. Here is a lit of which players are being kept:

Vic:

• Larry Fitzgerald
• David Wilson

Joe Pro:

• Steven Jackson
• Vincent Jackson

Urgie:

• Marshawn Lynch
• Reggie Bush
• Tom Brady
• Stevan Ridley

B-Shorts:

• Roddy White

T-Smoke:

• Aaron Rodgers
• Arian Foster

Don:

• Trent Richardson
• Maurice Jones-Drew
• Robert Griffin III

Ginny:

• Matt Forte
• Wes Welker
• Peyton Manning
• Chris Johnson

Wad:

• Adrian Peterson
• LeSean McCoy
• Torrey Smith
• Rob Gronkowski

Joey:

• Calvin Johnson
• C.J. Spiller
• A.J. Green
• Randall Cobb

Spae:

• Jamaal Charles
• Drew Brees
• Brandon Marshall

Davie:

• Matt Ryan
• Julio Jones
• Jimmy Graham
• Alfred Morris

Rock:

• Doug Martin
• Ray Rice
• Dez Bryant

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For those who didn't remember the draft order, here it is again:

1. Vic (Regular Season: 2-11, 1302.5 Points for)
2. Joe Pro (Regular Season: 5-8, 1322 Points for)
3. Urgie (Regular Season: 5-8, 1486.5 Points for)
4. B-Shorts (Regular Season: 5-7-1, 1429 Points for)
5. T-Smoke (Regular Season: 6-7, 1345 Points for)
6. Don (Regular Season: 6-6-1, 1250 Points for)
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7. Ginny (Regular Season: 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Wad (Regular Season: 7-6, 1486 Points for)
9. Joey (Regular Season: 7-6, 1648.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season: 8-5, 1580 Points for)
11. Davie (Regular Season: 9-4, 1477 Points for)
12. Rock (Regular Season: 10-3, 1678.5 Points for)
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As always, to try and cut down on the confusion, here's things will go:

Round 1 - Completed

Round 2

1. B-Shorts

Round 3

2. Vic

3. Joe Pro

4. B-Shorts

5. T-Smoke

Round 4

6. Vic

7. Joe Pro

8. B-Shorts

9. T-Smoke

10. Don

11. Spae

12. Rock

Round 5

13. Vic

14. Joe Pro

15. Urgie

16. B-Shorts

17. T-Smoke

18. Don

19. Ginny

20. Wad

21. Joey

22. Spae

23. Davie

24. Rock
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Finally, the 2012 entry fees (which I would appreciate everyone paying on draft day) will be put into the league treasury fund to pay the expenses for the 2013 draft, trophy engraving and post-season party expenses. The list is as follows:

NFL

• Jeremy B-Shorts: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Wadhams: 15 Acquisitions = $35
• Spae: 12 Acquisitions = $20
• Vic: 7 Acquisitions = $7

UFL

• Joe Pro: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Davie: 20 Acquisitions = $60 (Paid on 12/31/2012)
• Urgie: 7 Acquisitions = $7
• Don: 10 Acquisitions = $10

XFL

• Joey: 13 Acquisitions = $25
• Rock: 5 Acquisitions = $5
• T-Smoke: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Ginny: 14 Acquisitions = $30 (Paid on 8/14/2013)

Remember, this money is going towards the draft board, draft day booze, trophy engraving, and food so please be kind enough to pay. See you on Sunday

Long Live the Rock...

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And the season begins anew. Rock, I hope that you'll savor the remaining moments as champion because now you've got a bulls-eye on your back and the rest of the field is coming to unseat you. Just a few quick heads up(s):

• I'm trying to change the scoring we agreed upon last season to implement a 2 point deduction for each interception a QB throws. Unfortunately, ESPN isn't letting me make ANY scoring changes as of now. Hopefully that'll work itself out as the season gets closer.
• Also, I'm ordering a new draft board. Our current one never had the Underdogs logo like I originally requested, plus it's suffered some water damage since it used to be kept in Ginny's basement.
• I set the draft date for the usual time: Labor day weekend (Sunday September 1), though if needs be this date can be changed.

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Now, onto the business of the 2013 season. The draft order for next year will be as follows:

1. Vic (Regular Season: 2-11, 1302.5 Points for)
2. Joe Pro (Regular Season: 5-8, 1322 Points for)
3. Urgie (Regular Season: 5-8, 1486.5 Points for)
4. B-Shorts (Regular Season: 5-7-1, 1429 Points for)
5. T-Smoke (Regular Season: 6-7, 1345 Points for)
6. Don (Regular Season: 6-6-1, 1250 Points for)
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7. Ginny (Regular Season: 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Wad (Regular Season: 7-6, 1486 Points for)
9. Joey (Regular Season: 7-6, 1648.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season: 8-5, 1580 Points for)
11. Davie (Regular Season: 9-4, 1477 Points for)
12. Rock (Regular Season: 10-3, 1678.5 Points for)
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The 2012 entry fees (which I would appreciate everyone paying on draft day) will be put into the league treasury fund to pay the expenses for the 2013 draft, trophy engraving and post-season party expenses. The list is as follows:

NFL

• Jeremy B-Shorts: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Wadhams: 15 Acquisitions = $35
• Spae: 12 Acquisitions = $20
• Vic: 7 Acquisitions = $7

UFL

• Joe Pro: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Davie: 20 Acquisitions = $60 (Paid on 12/31/2012)
• Urgie: 7 Acquisitions = $7
• Don: 10 Acquisitions = $10

XFL

• Joey: 13 Acquisitions = $25
• Rock: 5 Acquisitions = $5
• T-Smoke: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Ginny: 14 Acquisitions = $30

Remember, this money is going towards the draft board, draft day booze, trophy engraving, and food so please be kind enough to pay.

Finally, since Vic had the misfortune of having a whopping 1618.5 scored against him this season, he will select the random numbers this year that will generate the 2013 schedule.

Enjoy the rest of the summer, and good luck to everyone this fall.

2012 Champion: The Rock

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"The Little Doodle that Could"

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Well, it finally happened. Yes, Rock has won an Underdogs Fantasy Football Championship. I could take this time to talk about how he embraced his inner Zionist by discussing the trades he pulled off with Don & Joe Pro, but that would be considered "negative". Besides, I've done some questionable wheeling and dealing throughout my fantasy career so I'm in no position to pass judgement. In fact, I have to congratulate Rock. All great success stories seem to involve a certain amount of ruthless scrambling to reach the top of the mountain.  So I say let's welcome Rock to the club. As a past victor, my advice is to enjoy the off-season as champion, and get ready for the bulls-eye that will be on your back through all of 2013.
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Now, onto the business of the 2013 season. The draft order for next year will be as follows:

1. Vic (Regular Season: 2-11, 1302.5 Points for)
2. Joe Pro (Regular Season: 5-8, 1322 Points for)
3. Urgie (Regular Season: 5-8, 1486.5 Points for)
4. B-Shorts (Regular Season: 5-7-1, 1429 Points for)
5. T-Smoke (Regular Season: 6-7, 1345 Points for)
6. Don (Regular Season: 6-6-1, 1250 Points for)
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7. Ginny (Regular Season: 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Wad (Regular Season: 7-6, 1486 Points for)
9. Joey (Regular Season: 7-6, 1648.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season: 8-5, 1580 Points for)
11. Davie (Regular Season: 9-4, 1477 Points for)
12. Rock (Regular Season: 10-3, 1678.5 Points for)
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The 2012 entry fees (which I would appreciate everyone paying on draft day) will be put into the league treasury fund to pay the expenses for the 2013 draft, trophy engraving and post-season party expenses. The list is as follows:

NFL

• Jeremy B-Shorts: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Wadhams: 15 Acquisitions = $35
• Spae: 12 Acquisitions = $20
• Vic: 7 Acquisitions = $7

UFL

• Joe Pro: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Davie: 20 Acquisitions = $60
• Urgie: 7 Acquisitions = $7
• Don: 10 Acquisitions = $10

XFL

• Joey: 13 Acquisitions = $25
• Rock: 5 Acquisitions = $5
• T-Smoke: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Ginny: 14 Acquisitions = $30

Remember, this money is going towards the draft board, draft day booze and food. I am not pocketing a dime, so for the good of the Underdogs Fantasy Football League, please be kind enough to pay.

Finally, since Vic had the misfortune of having a whopping 1618.5 scored against him this season, he will select the random numbers this year that will generate the 2013 schedule.

Enjoy the off-season, and  I'll see you in next year.

2012 Championship Matchup

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So Davie & Rock are going head-to-head for the championship?

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Sorry, I couldn't resist. Besides, I wanted to keep my Futurama motif  going through the post-season. In all seriousness, good luck to the both of you. Since things will be wrapping up this time next week, I'll lay out the whole process of how it's going to go down.

• December 24, 2012 - Once the final score is decided, I'll actually come to you and drop off the money (minus the funds from those who still have not paid).
• 1st Place - $750
• 2nd Place - $350
• 3rd Place - $100
• December 26, 2012 - I'll drop off the trophy for engraving
• The last few years they've stopped doing it while I waited and instead are taking their sweet time to finish it (Usually two days or so).

Once the trophy is done, I'll pick it up and bring it to you. That's it. All you guys have to do is sit back, adjust your rosters and hope the fantasy Gods smile upon your team. I think I speak on behalf of the other UDFFL Champions when I say I'm looking forward to welcoming one of you to the club. Good luck!


Finally, here's how the 2013 draft order will begin:

1. Vic
2. Joe Pro
3. Urgie
4. B-Shorts
5. T-Smoke
6. Don
7. Ginny
8. Wad

Week 13: Opening Round of the Playoffs

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"Let the games begin!"

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I'm going to keep this one short since I've got exams both this week and next and I need to focus all my attention to keeping my 4.0

Here's how the playoff bracket looks for those of you who can't be bothered to look at the schedule tab. With Rock & Davie having the first and second seeds this postseason, I think it's safe to say that the way our league is structured gives everyone an equal chance to have the best team.

Finally, here's how the 2013 draft order will begin:

1. Vic
2. Joe Pro
3. Urgie
4. B-Shorts
5. T-Smoke
6. Don

See you when the semester ends!

Week 12: After all these years, things are FINALLY going Rock's way!

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Behold your new fantasy football king!

Rock finally has a great  fantasy roster, a real jewggernaut of a team. I thought nothing could top him taking down a deer fetus last week, but then BANG!, he drops 183 points on Joey.

It fills me with so much joy and happiness to see him finally doing well.

I'm still sticking with my upbeat, I love everything demeanor that Rock loves so much. Nope, no "negativity" here. Sure, I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much.

My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it.

And then it flows through me like rain.

And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

In all honesty, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this faux positivity. It's really getting to the point where all the animosity I have let build up is on the brink of exploding.

Week 11: Sunshine, Lollipops, & Rainbows

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In keeping with Rock's anti-bullying campaign I'll continue to stay away from the negativity. Because everybody loves when Wadhams is suppressing the nearly overpowering disgust and contempt for the world he feels every waking moment. Often to the point that he's is pushed to the brink of snapping and completing his transformation into Dexter Morgan.

Season 1 Dexter is still the best Dexter if you ask me

So just call me "Postmaster P", after the main character from Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun in the Hood. And just like "Postmaster P", my goal is to deliver the message of positivity across the UDFFL.

It was still better than any episode of "Ice Loves Coco"

And as long as we're talking about Leprechauns, I got to thinking about how Notre Dame is ranked #1 in the BCS Standings with Alabama coming in at #2. Now what else says positivity better than a get together? Sure, we may have had a couple of moments of unpleasantness when all the members of the league have congregated over the course of the last half decade, but I think things will be different this year.

That's why I'm suggesting we set up our annual end of the year party for Saturday, January 5, 2013. There'll be some NFL playoff games, and it will also be two days before the BCS National Championship, which with a little luck, will have Notre Dame & Alabama playing together.

So think about it, won't you? There'll be the trophy presentation ceremony, food (paid for from acquisition fees), and for drinks I was thinking Irish Car Bombs & Alabama Slammers.

Let me know what you guys think!

*Notice how I didn't even mention that Spae tried to stick it to me by picking up Colin Kaepernick? Don't worry Spae, just like Jesus... I forgive you my son.

Week 10: All About Rock

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I believe it was Bill Cosby who said something along the lines of "There is no better way to guarantee failure than trying to please everyone."

When I didn't do an update, Rock spoke out. When I did my update last week, Rock thought it was far too negative for such an uplifting and positive league like ours.

I think everyone can agree with me when I say tact is not my defining characteristic, so I've decided to make this update about Rock. I'm talking all Rock all the time! And as an act of good faith, I'm pretty sure all of these pics are flattering. Unless I'm mistaken, not one of these photos depict Rock in a lurid or shameful manner.

I present the following as an offering to Rock, submitted for his approval...

I hope you find this update as pleasing to read as it was for me to write.

Week 9: The Cutler Apathy

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Two wins in a row, a personal best this season. It's great to be back! Actually I'm just kidding, my team's still more pretender than contender. Truth be told, I really don't care because even if I do make the playoffs my quarterbacks are so wretched that there's no way I could compete.

I realize a statement like that might seem strange since Jay Cutler got me 28 points this week. Thanks Jay!

 

Jay Cutler: Huh? What? No problem Wadhams. You're welcome. I mean, not that I care. Whatever. Stuff sucks.

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I suppose I could probably talk about Rock's boy  Doug Martin exploding for 70 points this week but... why?

Instead I'd like to encourage everyone to get out there and vote today.

 

So what if it's a foregone conclusion that New York State's electoral votes get awarded to the Democrats. It doesn't mean you should let that fact deter you from choosing between two pre-selected candidates who spend hundreds of millions of dollars to get the right to tell you to live your life.

Right Jay?

Jay Cutler: [Sulks]