Week 11: The Playoff Picture

With just two weeks left in the regular season, the playoffs are shaping up: Eliminated are:
Davie
Don
Wadhams

Those who have clinched a playoff spot are:
Timmy
Vic
Joe Pro

Needing one win to clinch:
Spae
Urgie

And with regard to the lowly XFL, odds are that whoever wins the division is the only one getting into the postseason.

As disappointing as it is for me to miss the playoffs, I can honestly say I would much rather be in the NFL and endure more difficult competition than to slum it up with the likes of the XFL crowd.

Week 10: The Fantasy Code

Sorry about the delay in the update, but I’ve been researching something. Something that all but guarantees with mathematical certainty who this year’s champion will be.

How did I come to this conclusion? What data could I possess that would support this claim? And most importantly: Who will win it all?

Well, first of all, those who know me best know that I find patterns in almost anything in life that is non sequitur. In this case, I was going across the league history when I discovered who will be the next league champion.

The answer: Spae

I present you with the following:

2004 – Bob Leising becomes champion after defeating Joey Slomba.
2005 – Joey Slomba becomes champion after defeating Tim Yaple
2006 – Tim Yaple becomes champion after defeating Jeffery Klumpp
2007 – Jeffrey Klumpp becomes champion after defeating Peter Mayers
2008 – Peter Mayers becomes champion after defeating Eric Klumpp

See a pattern yet?

It’s not like this is a couple of years in a row, we’re going back to 2004. Davie was still in High school, I had just moved to Florida, no one was married, O.J. was a free man. We’re only six weeks from 2010, this pattern of championships is sound. It’s all but a guarantee.

That is of course if Spae doesn’t completely tank. Realistically though, the only way I see this ending is if Joe Pro wins. The pattern all started with Bob Leising. If I were a Red Sox faggot, I would label this a curse, with the only remedy being the person who took over Bob’s team winning it all.

So I’m calling my shot now. Spae’s winning it.

Week 9: The Ultimate Tank Job

FACEPALM!!!

An open letter to Rock:

It seems that the doodle karma struck again. Remember serving Don up with the "Doodle Dance" Saturday night?

What was your lead up to at one point Rock? 70 points or so?

Congratulations, you found a way to make the 2004 ALCS Yankees look clutch!

Seriously though, tough break. It's not like you can control how things go, that's just the nature of Fantasy Football.

Well Rock, at least your pub picks and survivor pool...

Doodle Dance = The New Campbell's Chunky

Week 8: "Blow me! All of you!"

Well, that's it. I'm fucked!

It's over, and I can accept that. I'm not going to make the playoffs this year. I had a good run and now it's someone else's time to shine.

At least I got Ryan Moats off the free agent wire. Not that I need a running back, it's just that I had to make sure Ginny didn't get him to supplant his boy Slaton.

Yes, it's come to this again. I can't beat anyone else so I pick on Ginny for his shortcomings. Kind of like the kid at school who's father beats the hell out of him. Wishing he could fight back against his father, but just isn't big enough, he decides to pick on the weakest kid in school.

That's right Ginny, you're the league's bitch and you always will be until you win a championship!

The sweater photo will be mine! And once that happens, may God have mercy on your soul!

On a side note I'll be in Vegas this weekend. Penthouse at the Palms. No I'm not joking. In the words of Bender: "Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourself!"