Week 16: Huh?

Wow, so many people to thank. So many people to apologize to. Let’s take things from the top.

First off… I really don’t know how to respond to this. I went to a university who’s football program was the punchline for every e-mail on the Jim Rome show regarding College Football futility. And when UB won the MAC Championship earlier this month, I was at a loss on how to react.

Simply put, dealing with winning is a new concept for me so please bear with me if I’m not responding properly.

Second, sleep was the cure. On Saturday night after the Sabres got fucked by the refs in Montreal, I left the Aud with two fantasy points to my name. When I got home, I checked the website and saw I was up to three (count em’) three points from Tony Romo with only about a quarter to play. Spae had already put up 20 points on a count of Dallas Clark’s Thursday night performance. Needless to say I was dejected after resigning myself to another year of losing in the championship game, so I just went to sleep around 11:00.

When I woke up I began thinking about how I was going to blame my misfortunes on Romo or the NFL schedule yielding a better matchup for Spae. Much to my surprise, Romo had put up 19 more points for me as I slept.

Fast forward to Sunday. Spae is beating me by almost 50 points going into the Giants/Panthers night game. Bear in mind that I’ve been up since 2:00AM and have been drinking XXX, so needless to say, I’m drunk and obnoxious. After resigning myself once again to a loss, I pass out on Rock’s couch.

Waking up at 3:00AM, I look at the website and see that between Brandon Jacobs & DeAngelo Williams, they combined to give me 195 yards rushing and 7 touchdowns!

And that’s how Wadhams won his first Fantasy Football Championship. I’ve been playing since 1998 & this was the first time I managed to win it all. So now “The Nigger Hating Dolphins” will be forever immortalized on the trophy.

In closing, Rock, Joe Pro & Vic are the last of the group to submit the entry fee. I paid Joey & Spae already so no rush, just get me the money please when you have the chance. I tallied up the acquisition fees as well. Remember this money is going to pay for the limo ride up to Canada.

Wadhams: Donating $300 of winnings to the limo
Joe Pro: $8
Ginny: $20
Vic: $7
Spae: $9
Urgie: $10
Timmy: $6
Rock: $55
Joey: $9
T-Smoke: $25

The grand total comes out to $449. I’m still exploring the options, but that would get us 8 hours in a 10 man limo at Buffalo Limousine.

Lastly, here's the final draft order for next season:

1. Timmy
2. Rock
3. Urgie
4. T-Smoke
5. Joe Pro (Regular Season 7-6, 1380.5 Points for)
6. Vic (Regular Season 7-6, 1387 Points for)
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1492 Points for)
8. Joey (Regular Season 9-4, 1624.5 Points for)
9. Spae (Lost Championship Game)
10. Wadhams (2008 League Champion)

Congratulations on another great year. Hopefully you’ll join Joey & I in our NASCAR league starting in February, if not… till our fantasy fortunes meet again next fall.

Fixczer Delivers

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Wadhams: "This blogspot account is erasing all my previous posts as soon as I put a new one up!"


Fry:“Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it… fix it, fix it, fix
it!”

(Door Flies Open)


Professor Farnsworth: "Good News Everyone! I've discovered the source of your website's problems. Oh my, yes. You see, the template you're using contains code that scrambles and deletes everything new you post. Simply choose a new template, and you'll be free to add all your league manager notes that were previously rejected."

Fry: "Thanks Professor"

Week 15: The Tricky Two

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I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate Ginny on a game well fought. I can honestly say that Sunday was the best Fantasy Football Semi-Final I've been involved in. The teams were evenly matched and the lead changed hands too many times to recall. In the end, I was lucky enough to get away with the win. Let's be honest, I dodged a loss better than George Bush dodges Pokemon.



So what does this all mean? Well, first of all, I'm not going to shit talk Ginny about his loss. It was a game that could've easily gone either way. DeAngelo Williams' 56 yard TD run helped boost me, and there were several occasions where teams scored rushing touchdowns with the other running back than the one in our lineup. And second, I'm moving Ginny out of the enemies category and placing him at the bottom of the "meh" pile. Mostly out of pitty, but partially out of respect for his play.

But don't think this is a permanent fixture as Ginny was awfully vocal when his players wound up scoring. Wad doesn't forget when people delight in his misfortunes.

With that out of the way, I can now focus on the Championship game.
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This was a picture taken by Matt Cherry on my camera phone at the Bills - Jets game back in 2003. The inaugural year of the Underdogs Fantasy Football League. Back then Spae & I went head to head in a contest where I was bested.

Best friends forced to do battle once more...


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Now I know I say this a lot, but I'm pretty sure Spae is going to beat me this week. Because with Spae's boys Drew Brees & Pierre Thomas going up against the fucking Detriot Lions Defense, it kind of paints the picture of a monster point output for the Legends.

Not to mention the fact that my boy Romo is going up against Ed Reed & the Baltimore Defense (my defense), it creates a massive conflict of interest.

All things considered, the NFL matchups do not bode well for my chances of seeing "The Nigger Hating Dolphins" immortalized on the trophy.
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Finally, here's the revised draft order:

1. Timmy
2. Rock
3. Urgie
4. T-Smoke
5. Joe Pro (Regular Season 7-6, 1380.5 Points for)
6. Vic (Regular Season 7-6, 1387 Points for)
-. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1492 Points for)*
-. Joey (Regular Season 9-4, 1624.5 Points for)*
*Winner of the matchup will receive $100 & the 8th place draft pick.

Week 14: The Final Four

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Well, with Joe Pro & Vic the first casualties of the post season, the revised draft order for 2009 is now:

1. Timmy
2. Rock
3. Urgie
4. T-Smoke
5. Joe Pro (Regular Season 7-6, 1380.5 Points for)
6. Vic (Regular Season 7-6, 1387 Points for)

That's right, only 6.5 regular season points separated Vic and Joe Pro.

One thing I found interesting was that the teams ranked 1-4 are playing each other.

I'm not doing more for this update mostly because I'm burned out due to lack of sleep, poor diet & no exercise. All things considered, I can honestly say that I am ready to come back from Florida.

Week 13: If something's gonna happen in the playoffs, it's gotta happen now.

Look, if you had one shot — one opportunity — to take an illegal handgun into a night club, then shoot yourself in the leg to jeopardize your multi-million-dollar contract, at which point you spend 90 minutes trying to find a hospital that will treat your wound discreetly, then give that hospital a fake name and say the incident happened at an Applebee’s…

One moment.

Would you capture it… or just let it slip?
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Well, the playoffs are here once again. It seems like just yesterday that we were on the back of Ginny's deck undermining each other's confidence with their picks. That being said, it's all meaningless now. Joey & I scored a first round bye each, and I've got to be honest, I'm not pleased with the idea of having to play Vic or Ginny next week. Be that as it may, it's just the way things go.

Now that the four teams have been eliminated, here is how the beginning of next year's draft will go.

1. Timmy
2. Rock
3. Urgie
4. T-Smoke

Good luck to the remaining six teams.

Week 12: Rock Returning to Form

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Rock trying to kick down the self-imposed wall of fantasy football mediocrity



Well boys, light the cigars and pop the top on that $3.99 bottle of J. Roget Spumante because Rock has once again missed the playoffs. Having gone 4-9 the last two seasons and 3-10 back in 2004, the best case scenario awaiting The Dragons at this point is a third consecutive 4 win season.

In a league where 60% of the owners make it to the playoffs, Rock has found a way of mathematically guaranteeing the rest of us that we will have a 67% chance. This of course is based simply on the fact that he is in our league.

I am a man of few words, but this is by far the best part of the fantasy season. The inevitable time when we look to the trainwreck of a roster that has been assembled at Sebastian Drive, and feel better about ourselves.

Also, on a side note, the blogspot page is fucked (blogspot fucking up? That’s unpossible). Any time I try and make a new post, it causes all the previous ones to disappear. I’m still keeping the archives in a MS Word file, awaiting a date when I can fix this problem.

Finally, since there are conflicting desires for the Canada trip, I figure it’s up to Joe Pro and I to make it happen.

Week 11: Nothing Left But Fantasy

Sorry about the delay in the update, but I’ve been having trouble updating the blogspot account to maintain the archive. Plus the game last night took a lot out of me so I’ve spent most of the day relaxing and reviewing things for my 2nd interview with John Hancock Financial this Thursday.

I’ll keep things quick:

1. With regard to the playoffs, Timmy was officially eliminated from playoff contention this week, and Rock still clings to life. Though he’ll have to win out, have Urgie, Ginny & T lose out, and wind up scoring more season points than Ginny.

With only two weeks remaining in the regular season, it’ll be interesting to see how things pan out.
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2. Only Urgie has paid the $100 league fee. I’m not saying the money has to start coming in immediately, especially with the holidays on deck. As long as the moneys are allocated by the time a champion has been crowned, everything will be fine. I just wanted to take this opportunity to remind you guys.
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3. At some point this week, I’m going to look into pricing for the party bus at the end of the season. Just a heads up, unless I’m mistaken, a trip to Canada requires a passport or birth certificate to gain entrance back into the U.S. So that should be something to think about.
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4. Please vote in the poll, or let me know which tentative date would be preferred for the Canada excursion.

Week 10: Saved by 128 Points

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First things first. I can no longer remain silent on this subject, these Toyota “Saved By Zero” commercials are fucking killing me! No matter how good a mood I’m in (or bad lately on a count of the Bills play), this commercial coming on during the game always brings my spirits to a new low.

I never thought I’d see the day where I longed for Chevy commercials featuring John Mellencamp’s “This is our country” or Dodge’s “Rock em’ Sock em’ Robots”. Hell, at this point I’d even take Ford’s ad campaign with (in Joey’s words), “Toby Keith pointing his chubby redneck finger at me”

Seriously, any desire I had to purchase a Toyota as my next vehicle (partially as a Kyle Busch fan, but mostly due to great gas mileage and low maintenance) died with these commercials.

I mean, of all the fucking songs to pick from, Toyota chose a song by the Fixx? Not even their biggest hit of “One thing leads to another”, but some second tier single that’s over a quarter of a century old.

In case you haven’t watched the video by now, it’s a voice overlay of the commercial that in my opinion is a vast improvement, and a lot more honest to boot.
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Secondly, I feel kind of responsible for Joey’s collapse and Rock’s unforeseeable explosion in scoring.

While I thank you Joey for answering my call to return to shit-talking Rock on the message board, in retrospect it seems it was a recipe for tempting fate. Kind of like when McCain announced Palin as his running mate and Ginny exclaimed “He’s gonna win!”. Or O.J. having an acquittal party planned for after the trial was over (please Obama, do the right thing and pardon O.J.)

Once Ben Stewart put up 42 points, all that remained was a coup de gras on the Dragons (it means a death blow intended to end the suffering of a wounded creature). However, due to the overwhelming odds being in Joey’s favor, the circumstances were ripe for an upset. So congratulations Rock, I’m sure you can take this away as one of the bright spots of an otherwise dismal season. And hey, don’t worry Joey, being in the XFL you could probably lose out and still clinch a first round bye.

Week 9: The Dead Zone

Where did everyone go? Where’s the hatred toward Ginny? The cheap shots at Rock? The horrid decisions to start the wrong people?

It seems like everything has dried up. There’s no more material for me to work with. I mean, how many times can I make fun of Rock’s team? Without fresh hatred spewing forth from the owners, all I am relegated to is recycling old puns and obvious low blows.

Seriously, I haven’t talked to Joe Pro since Rock’s wedding. That’s been a month. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not badmouthing you Joe Pro, it’s just that I can still remember the drunken insults being slung at everyone during the owner’s meeting last January. Joey, where’s the “Pope Fuckers” challenge of 2008?

It’s no big deal though. This is the “down time” of the fantasy season. The home stretch of the regular season really doesn’t hold much excitement. Most of the lines have stabilized and the playoff picture is starting to shape up. So I think I’ll just take this week off, and hope things pick up soon.

Week 8: Wad Explains the Outcomes

Well, drink it in Rock. Even though the Legends put up the highest point total for the week in defeating the Dragons, it was still a moral victory for the Rock as he covered the over by putting up 81 points. That puts his season's average point output at 82.25.
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I was able to defeat Ginny this week due largely in part to the fact that I started Baltimore's D. If there's nothing else to be taken away from this past week, it's that Hines Ward & Ben Roethlisberger will underperform when they have large bounties placed on their head. I'll end my critique of the game here as I've probably already said too much.
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In I love Mr. Denny news, with the dire situation at quarterback, the Bovines had no problem getting a win this week. Terrell Owens was devastated to learn that Carson Palmer is done for the rest of the season. Always the attention whore, T.O. decided to take advantage of the bad news by endorsing his new brand of whiny bitch Kleenex.


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The Shockers & the Swayze's faced off with the Shockers emerging victorious. Since neither team has been heard from in weeks, I'll just leave the recap at that.
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Joey wound up beating Vic with a little help from the Chunky. Still doubt the effects of the curse on your boy Tomlinson, Vic?



After the game Santonio Holmes issued an apology letter to team owner Joseph Slomba. In it he denied any wrongdoing with his recent arrest for marijuana possession. Among the reasons Holmes cited for his innocence are:

-The arresting officer was a Giants fan and he planted the drugs to take him out of this weeks game.

-Ray Lewis & Terrell Suggs said that if he didn't get high with them, they would put a bounty on his head too.

-The weed that they confiscated was dirt weed. Santonio only smokes stickiest of the icky.

-He fell prey to an e-mail scam disguised as a letter from Roger Goodell saying weed no longer is against NFL rules.

-He didn't realize that he was driving Bam Morris’ car.



and what I personally believe to be the case-cracker:

-If he doesn't have the hand eye coordination to catch a ball, how can he roll a blunt?

Week 7: Lord Hear Wad's Prayer

First of all, there’s no way I can top last week’s update so I’m not even gonna try. Besides, I’d like to take a break from the hate and insults so I can reflect on just how good things are right now in the realm of sports.
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Lord, if you’re listening, I have but one humble request: Please freeze time in the sports world at this very minute, because right now things cannot get any better.

For those who know my personality, you're probably aware of the fact that I always think the grass is greener on the other side of the hill. When the future holds multiple possibilities, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. Well as of right now, there is a legitimate chance (in every sport I care about) for a team I love/really like to win it all.

Fantasy Football
-My fantasy football team is leading the conference, and I'm second only to Joey.

Football
-Now we’ve got the Bills leading the AFC East at 5-1
-Tom Brady is injured, and his surgically repaired knee is infected
-Rodney Harrison’s career is over
-The AFC is WIDE open. Think about it. Can you say there is no way the Bills can win the conference with __________ standing in their way?
-The Cowboys are tanking
-The Patriots are strug-a-ling

College Football
-I’ve been an Alabama fan since the early 90’s and had to endure scandals and recruiting violations that have kept them largely uncompetitive since going to the National Championship in 1994 when they lost to Nebraska. Now they’re #2 in the AP and Coach’s Poll

Hockey
-The NHL’s underway and the Sabres are off to a great start at 4-0-1
-Vanek’s leading the NHL in goals

Baseball
-The Rays are in the World Series (While I’m not a Ray’s fan, I’m definitely glad they’re playing for the championship instead of one of the usual teams)
-The Red Sox and Yankees are finished for the year

Basketball
-Basketball hasn’t started yet (Sorry Klumpps). But I like being able to watch Sportscenter without seeing some corn-rowed darkie jungle it up.

NASCAR
-The Chase is coming to a close & if Kyle Busch can’t win, I’m definitely glad to see Jimmie Johnson take his third consecutive title.

So drink it in. Even if things aren’t going as well for you as they are for me, I’m sure you can find a lot on this list to be happy about.

Week 6: The Story of Rock's First Win

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Well Rock got his first win of the season and surprisingly enough, it was against Ginny. In celebration of this occasion, I figured I’d take the time to give you a play by play account of the events that led to the victory.
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Sunday October 5th: Rock’s House


Tim: Yee-haw! Listen Rock, I’ve got to catch my flight back to Florida, but I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re due for a win. And I’ll be damned if you’re not gonna beat the tar out of Ginny next week. He’s ripe for an upset, and if anyone can do it… it’s you!
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Sunday October 12th: Aruba



Rock: Ahh, another day in paradise on my honeymoon with my beautiful wife.

*ring, ring* ... *ring, ring*

Rock: You got Rock!



Spae: What's up, what's up, what's up in the hizzie? Hey Maurice Jones-Drew just rushed for 125 yards and scored two touchdowns!



Rock: Ahh, bless my Irish soul. This could finally be the Dragons' week!

Spae: Well, you left him on your bench in favor of Chris Chambers... who scored you 0 points.



*THUD*

Rock: ...

Spae: Anyway, thanks for letting me borrow the Bills mobile while you're gone. I'm gonna go out now and run amok

*Click*
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Monday October 13: Aruba

Rock: Fucking Ginny! As soon as I get back to Buffalo, I'm going to whoop his cranked up ass with my shillelagh. Or in lieu of said shillelagh, Jay Cutler's Diabetes stick!


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Interior of Ginny’s compound on Lockport-Olcott road



Ginny: Damn I'm good! First Kasey Kahne comes in 2nd at Lowe's, the Sabres are 2-0 & Trent Edwards, Roscoe Parrish & Ko Simpson return to the Bills lineup just in time for San Diego. I'm telling you there is NOTHING that can stop this sports streak of luck that I'm on!
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Meanwhile across town, an evil plan is being hatched

Willow Street



T-Smoke: Wadhams, I have been scheming. If I am to help Rock defeat Ginny this week, I'm going to have to ensure that Rock's piss poor 3rd pick (7th overall) Derek Anderson actually succeeds for once. With Kellen Winslow's mystery illness (aka: Wally Nuts) keeping him quarantined, I'll have to turn to my boy.



T-Smoke: That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to supply him with this anti-4 dropped passes per game, 1 of which would be for a touchdown elixir!



T-Smoke: Not even the NFL's 4th ranked defense stands a chance now!



Braylon Edwards: Thanks T!
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Interior: Ginny's Lair – Watching the game with great desperation



Ginny: Damn it! That's the end of the 3rd quarter and my lead on Rock has been reduced to only half a point!



Braylon Edwards catches his second touchdown pass of the game from Derek Anderson on the first play of the 4th quarter.



Ginny: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Door Flies Open]



T-Smoke: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

[Door Flies Open]



Rock: DRINK IT IN GINNY!!!

[Door Flies Open]



Joey: Yo-BOOTY!!!
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Present Day



Rock: Yeahhhh!!! Dragonnnnss!!!

Ginny: Damn it Rock, let it go already.

Week 5: Over/Under 80

Sorry for the delay with this weeks update, but I fell asleep at 11:00 last night and spent all day Tuesday running around & doing more holocaust research. Don’t worry, I won’t bore you with more evidence of gas chambers being a total hoax, I was just merely explaining why I took so long to change the League Manager’s Note.

Unfortunately I don’t really have anything worthwhile to talk about. I can’t come up with an idea like NFL/Fantasy owners comparisons week after week. The negative long-term effects of boozing it up at Rock’s wedding have seen to that.
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So what is sexy? Is it Alien in a pair of designer briefs? Nah, if I had to choose I’d say that “sexy” is Rock failing to score more than 80 points this week.

For those who might not have been aware, some of us have been keeping a non-official eye on: “Whether or not Rock will go over or under 80 points this week?” See, of the 5 games this season, Rock has scored less than 80 points on three occasions. Plus when you average out his cumulative score over that time, it comes out to be 81.1 points per week.
So from here on out (or at least till the Dragons get their act together), I’ll be keeping an eye on Rock’s point output… or lack thereof.

If I had to guess at this week’s prospects of the dragons covering the over, I’d have to go with under. With Rock on his Honeymoon, he might not be able to set his roster for total domination. Any takers?

Week 4: NFL/Fantasy Owners

First of all, thanks to Joe Pro for the heads up on the Union-Sun & Journal's police report today. No names though. Any ideas on who it was?

Town of Lockport

• FIRE: A Sebastian Drive man reported Friday that as he was pulling up to his house, he noticed smoke coming from under the hood of his 2001 Pontiac Grand Prix. He lifted the hood and saw his engine was on fire, the report said. The man said he was able to put the fire out with a garden hose. An estimate of damage was not available.

Link to story:
Union-Sun Police Report
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Well, the NFL’s regular season is a quarter over and Fantasy Football’s is just under a third finished. Now that things are pretty well established, from a seasonal perspective and because this is the 6th official year of the league, I’d like to take this time to discuss team owners.

Who wants to hear me recap week after week? It eventually gets boring. You should all have access to my dementia! At least the portions that cause me to daydream about stuff like this.

Now, we've all come to know one another’s tendencies as Fantasy Team Owners. Joey loves him some darkness at quarterback, Ginny can’t seal the deal, and I bitch about how the entire world is against me. So I wondered, now that we’re pretty well established in our behavior, how we would fare as NFL owners. More specifically, which NFL owner most closely mirrors our Fantasy personality?
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Rock - Al Davis



Is it really that hard to see? Neither can build a winner no matter how high they draft every year. Both seem hypnotized by the glitter of a rookie prospect (Rock – Jay Cutler, Al Davis – Robert Gallery), Both seem to be in love with Darren McFadden this season. They jury’s still out on that one, but rest assured, that no matter how high the Raiders/Dragons draft, there’ll be a bust with their name on it.
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Wadhams - Daniel Snyder



Why Snyder? First and foremost… he’s a Jew! But like Snyder, I spend exorbitant amounts of money each season (I led the league in free agent pickups last year and this season I’m at the front of acquisitions). But for all the money spending, neither of us can build a winner. Rather than look in the mirror at the real cause of the problem, in typical Jew form we blame everyone else for the team’s inability to win a championship. Snyder – The Coaches, the players. Wadhams – The schedule, the keeper restrictions (I had to let Brandon Marshall & Reggie Bush go, while Rock gets rewarded for having a terrible team by only keeping two and drafting high!). The Redskins are doing slightly better than I am this year. Perhaps I should get some thugs to shoot Plaxico Burress in the Femoral Artery to up my win total.
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Joey - Ralph Wilson



Why Ralph? Because the two of them are both from the Old School, that’s why. Ralph is one of the principal founders of the AFL, plus he gave the money to keep the Oakland Raiders and Boston Patriots afloat when they were about to go under, so you KNOW that's old school when one guy can support 3 football teams. Joey’s been playing fantasy football since the 80’s. Seriously. Even before it was called fantasy football, it was known as Terry Bradshaw football. Things were done on his computer. A Tandy if I remember correctly. I still remember on our way to Media Play in the summer of 96, Joey had to stop by The Dugout to put his fantasy picks in. The quarterback? One Jeff Blake! Both Wilson & Joey’s strength lies in the draft. Neither is one to throw a lot of money toward flashy free agents, and it’s paying off with a solid season for both.
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Timmy - Jerry Jones



Yee-Haw! With a Dickie Bomb in hand and a TapOut belt buckle so big it HAS to have come from the Lone Star State, Timmy’s the boisterous fantasy owner of our league. Both Timmy and JJ are making moves and acquiring players that by every indication aren’t worth the trouble. (Timmy: Julius Jones, Michael Turner, Jerry Jones: Tank Johnson, Terrell Owens, Pacman Jones). Yet somehow when they get on the roster, they play well. Both have championships to their name.
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Urgie - Lamar Hunt



I know it seems kind of morbid to be comparing Urgie to a dead guy but hear me out. Lamar Hunt was the late owner of the Chiefs who actually was the guy who founded the AFL, and gave our beloved Bills a league in which to play. When he passed away nearly two years ago, there was a lot of outpouring of respect for the guy. When I look at Urgie in the world of Fantasy Football, he hasn’t really accomplished much, but he’s been pretty much widely respected. He doesn’t take cheap shots at the other league members, he doesn’t complain about getting a bad wrap or having his star players get hurt. Lamar Hunt was the only example of an NFL owner I could think of who everybody had something nice to say about. The same goes for Urgie. It just sucks that he couldn’t have stayed alive a few more years so this analogy would be a little more accurate.
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Vic - Robert Kraft



While not the “dynasty” the Patriots were/are?, Vic has won multiple championships if you want to count the 2002 season when he won our original 12 man league that had both Cam & Santos. But like Kraft, Vic has been hording the talent that is Landanian Tomlinson season, after season after season. While Brady is considered by many to be the best football player in the NFL, LT is highly regarded as the best Fantasy Player. Now we just need Tomlinson to go the way of Brady and we’ll be sitting pretty. November 9th, and December 14th the Chargers will be playing Bernard Pollard and the Chiefs. Enjoy it while it lasts Vic.
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Joe Pro – Steve Bisciotti



They’re both Italian. They’re both snappy dressers. But the big parallel here is that Bisciotti wound up buying the Ravens after Art Modell decided to give them up once he had won a championship with the team in 2000. Bob Leising won the league in 2004 and was given the boot shortly thereafter. In stepped Joe Pro to take the reigns of a once proud championship team. While their teams haven’t won it all since they took over, the two are working vigorously to reestablish themselves as a contender.
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Ginny - Paul Allen



It’s not just because Paul Allen got where he is by latching on to Bill Gates, the way Ginny got where he is by marrying into the Maziarz family. No, the parallels between these two owners are far more sinister. Seattle is like a road map for Ginny’s trainwreck teams. Division championship after division championship. Riding high all season. Then come the playoffs, and there goes the talent that got them there. Is it the Chunky (Endorsed by Hasslebeck & consumed by Ginny)? Most likely.
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Spae – William Clay Ford, Sr.



I’d like to thank Joey for help on this one. When I first tried thinking of Spae’s antics in the league, nothing specific came to mind. That is until I remembered how poorly he writes/spells his posts. Until Dexter Manley gets a franchise, I’ll have to settle for someone who’s just short of illiterate. Who can read Spae’s writing? Seriously? And just like William Clay Ford, Sr., why the hell couldn’t he read the writing on the wall? Letting Matt Millen run your franchise for 7 years?!?! Plus he’s one of the kingpins at Ford. Can’t he see the American automotive industry is a sinking ship? These guys need to learn to read! Learn to read! Learn to read!
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T-Smoke – Mike Brown



T was probably the toughest to find a match with. His deal is a never-ending hatred of Ginny. And since the Seahawks moved from the AFC to the NFC a couple years back, they really don’t have a clear-cut nemesis. So I decided to compare T to the Bengals owner. Not just because of their love-affair with Carson Palmer, but mostly due to the fact that they can have a great team on paper, but it somehow doesn’t translate to success on the field. I remember everyone at the draft saying he had a great team. And who could disagree. Marshawn, Braylon Edwards, Terrell Owens, Carson Palmer. The list goes on and on. But for some reason, they hit the field and then they can’t seem to put it together. Carson Palmer, Chad Johnson, T.J. Houshmandzadeh… I figure the Bengals should have at least 1 win. I figure with T’s talent, he should be over .500.

Week 3 Recap

My flawless photoshop skills strike again.

And with that, the number of undefeated teams in our league has dropped to zero. Sorry if I haven’t been that interested in Fantasy Football as of late, but since the season’s still in its infancy and there’s no one clear cut team that’s head and shoulders above the rest, I’m moderately distracted by other things.

Things such as:
- Baseball is closing in on the playoffs
- Fantasy NASCAR has only 8 races left
- I’m following the OJ trial
- Rock’s Stag Party is this Saturday

But above all else, THE BILLS ARE 3-0!!! Not that I’m trying to take credit for it, but I didn’t make it into the game until the 4th quarter began. Coincidence?

No offense to Ginny or Urgie, but you missed a great ending. There was something in the air this Sunday. Something that even as Jamarcus Russel threw that 85 yard touchdown, you knew that it wasn't going to last. It just felt like every time Trent Edwards stepped on the field, he was imposing his will on the Raiders D and it was only a matter of time until he finally drove the blade through Al Davis' Jew heart (see picture above).

Finally, the reason I never posted my hate mail to ESPN is because Joey talked me out of it. He was concerned that my antics could result in getting us banned from the site. A scenario that wouldn’t seem that unlikely when you consider the amount of anti-Semitic rhetoric I was going to include. All things considered though, he was right. There was no pressing need to for a formal complaint, the situation with the free agents worked out, and there was no harm. I do realize that I'm representing all of you and not just myself when it comes to contact with the server hosts.

Week 2 Recap

Just to twist the knife a little deeper into Vic, I decided to post this video of DeSean Jackson being a dumb bastard. Nothing says “I am totally oblivious to my surroundings” more than failing to exercise a level of common sense that would make even this guy laugh at your stupidity.



Moral of the story: Know how far you are to the edge/line before you try and start showing off!

Anyway, it serves you right Vic for starting McNabb. It just goes to show you that it is a bad idea (either in the NFL or Fantasy Football Universe) to have a black starting quarterback if you want to win a championship.

Now... on to the week!

Some might think I’d be bitter about getting a monster number of points scored against me two weeks in a row. Or perhaps you were betting on a tirade about the schedule fucking me yet again. How about Ed Hochuli’s officiating allowing Ben Stewart to throw for 4 touchdowns? Sadly I must disappoint you. If I have to lose, I don’t mind it being to Joey. Anything that advances the interests of Rocktown (and subsequently the downfall of the Sebastian Drive Dragons), is good by me.

The Shockers edged out the Catfighters on a count of DeSean Jackson’s dumb ass. But I’m sure Joe Pro would agree with Mike Shanahan in believing that there’s no such thing as a bad win.

The Legends could possibly be “The Real Diel” with a solid showing two weeks in a row. Their depth will likely make them a good team down the stretch.

The Dragons continue to find new and exciting ways to lose games. This week offered up a showdown against T. Of course I’m using the term “showdown” loosely. Who would’ve guessed that 78.5 points wasn’t going to win the game? Oh yeah, did I neglect to mention that the Dragon’s bench scored nearly 100?

And to the matchup of the week, Urgie versus Ginny. Let’s be honest, we all felt a little bad for Urgie after Brady got jacked up in week 1. Between that, Garcia being out with injury, and having Wes Welker, Dallas Clark, Deuce McCallister and Daunte Culpepper all on his roster… I think I speak for everyone when I say we wanted to see him do well this week. And do well he did. Aaron Rodgers scored 33 points off the waiver wire, Anquan Boldin lit it up for and additional 41 & Earnest Graham tore into Hot-lanta with 24.5.

But before the accolades start to run rampant, I think it only necessary to divulge the following information…

While staying at Ginny’s this past weekend, I got hungry and decided to look through the pantry for something to eat. After digging through spaghetti sauce and tuna fish, I stumbled upon several cans of Campbell’s Chunky Soup!!!

I think that at long last we’ve found the epicenter for Ginny’s tragic downfall when it comes to fantasy football. Campbell’s Chunky = Football Poison!

Don’t believe me?! Then just look at these statistics of NFL players who have endorsed the Chunky:
________________________________________
Nutrition Facts
Serving Size 1 NFL career (avg. 4.5 yrs.)
Victims to Date: 14
________________________________________
Totals
Dead 1
Nearly Killed 1
Careers Ended 3
Still Playing, But Really, Really Sucking 4
Playing for the Arizona Cardinals * 1
Played with Terrell Owens 1
Choked in Super Bowl ** 2
* Kurt Warner may have been God's fault.
** Despite choking in the Super Bowl, Ben Roethlisberger won.

For more information on the Chunky Soup Curse, see the following link.

http://www.chunkysoupcurse.com/

Week 1 Recap

First of all, this a reimaging gif I found of Tom Brady's Stetson commercial that was too damned funny not to share. The original is embedded below.



So week 1 is in the books. I hate to admit it, but for all the joy and elation my cold, black heart feels about Tom Brady's injury, there are some pangs of sympathy toward Urgie here.

I remember on draft day looking at the board during the 15th round and seeing that Urgie was the only one besides me who hadn't taken a second quarterback. In his defense though, at the time it seemed like it would've been a wasted pick on a player who would likely get only one start on the year.

Oh, how cruel fate is. Now Urgie's Welker pick has a diminished value as well. My heart goes out to you brother. Brady deserved this, but you certainly didn't. Funny how I feel no guilt about picking up Cassel though.

On a separate note, the Legends were worthy of their namesake by posting the most points this week in a rout of the nigger haters. But the biggest story is Swayze's abomination of a draft yielding the second highest point total for the week. A sure sign of the apocalypse. Especially since the Large Hadron Collider goes online tomorrow:

http://www.crunchgear.com/2008/09/08/end-of-the-world-on-wednesday-take-a-half-day-today/

In light of his performance, I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize to Timmy for my negative critique of his draft.

OWNED!!!

Well, the 2008 season is underway. Whether or not Brandon Jacobs turns out to be a good pick for me remains to be seen, till I know for sure I'll have to find some level of ease at seeing him knock LaRon Landry on his ass, bounce his head off the turf and proceed to step on his chest.

I finally decided a way to remedy the schedule. While it won't be perfect (believe me I've tried every possible scenario to make it work, but there will unfortunately have to be some teams that play an opponent 3 times), we can avoid the same schedule year after year.

Simply put, we can randomly switch schedules (For example, Joe Pro takes over Ginny's, and Ginny takes over Joe Pro's). I'll have to change every team's schedule game by game, week by week.

Since this season is already underway, I figure it would be only fair to put this into practice next year. If anyone has a problem with this plan, or a better idea I will be more than happy to listen to suggestions.

It's just that one thing is for sure. Everyone having the exact same schedule (generated by ESPN) every year is something I would very much like to avoid.