Week 8: Wad Explains the Outcomes

Well, drink it in Rock. Even though the Legends put up the highest point total for the week in defeating the Dragons, it was still a moral victory for the Rock as he covered the over by putting up 81 points. That puts his season's average point output at 82.25.
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I was able to defeat Ginny this week due largely in part to the fact that I started Baltimore's D. If there's nothing else to be taken away from this past week, it's that Hines Ward & Ben Roethlisberger will underperform when they have large bounties placed on their head. I'll end my critique of the game here as I've probably already said too much.
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In I love Mr. Denny news, with the dire situation at quarterback, the Bovines had no problem getting a win this week. Terrell Owens was devastated to learn that Carson Palmer is done for the rest of the season. Always the attention whore, T.O. decided to take advantage of the bad news by endorsing his new brand of whiny bitch Kleenex.


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The Shockers & the Swayze's faced off with the Shockers emerging victorious. Since neither team has been heard from in weeks, I'll just leave the recap at that.
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Joey wound up beating Vic with a little help from the Chunky. Still doubt the effects of the curse on your boy Tomlinson, Vic?



After the game Santonio Holmes issued an apology letter to team owner Joseph Slomba. In it he denied any wrongdoing with his recent arrest for marijuana possession. Among the reasons Holmes cited for his innocence are:

-The arresting officer was a Giants fan and he planted the drugs to take him out of this weeks game.

-Ray Lewis & Terrell Suggs said that if he didn't get high with them, they would put a bounty on his head too.

-The weed that they confiscated was dirt weed. Santonio only smokes stickiest of the icky.

-He fell prey to an e-mail scam disguised as a letter from Roger Goodell saying weed no longer is against NFL rules.

-He didn't realize that he was driving Bam Morris’ car.



and what I personally believe to be the case-cracker:

-If he doesn't have the hand eye coordination to catch a ball, how can he roll a blunt?

Week 7: Lord Hear Wad's Prayer

First of all, there’s no way I can top last week’s update so I’m not even gonna try. Besides, I’d like to take a break from the hate and insults so I can reflect on just how good things are right now in the realm of sports.
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Lord, if you’re listening, I have but one humble request: Please freeze time in the sports world at this very minute, because right now things cannot get any better.

For those who know my personality, you're probably aware of the fact that I always think the grass is greener on the other side of the hill. When the future holds multiple possibilities, it’s the greatest feeling in the world. Well as of right now, there is a legitimate chance (in every sport I care about) for a team I love/really like to win it all.

Fantasy Football
-My fantasy football team is leading the conference, and I'm second only to Joey.

Football
-Now we’ve got the Bills leading the AFC East at 5-1
-Tom Brady is injured, and his surgically repaired knee is infected
-Rodney Harrison’s career is over
-The AFC is WIDE open. Think about it. Can you say there is no way the Bills can win the conference with __________ standing in their way?
-The Cowboys are tanking
-The Patriots are strug-a-ling

College Football
-I’ve been an Alabama fan since the early 90’s and had to endure scandals and recruiting violations that have kept them largely uncompetitive since going to the National Championship in 1994 when they lost to Nebraska. Now they’re #2 in the AP and Coach’s Poll

Hockey
-The NHL’s underway and the Sabres are off to a great start at 4-0-1
-Vanek’s leading the NHL in goals

Baseball
-The Rays are in the World Series (While I’m not a Ray’s fan, I’m definitely glad they’re playing for the championship instead of one of the usual teams)
-The Red Sox and Yankees are finished for the year

Basketball
-Basketball hasn’t started yet (Sorry Klumpps). But I like being able to watch Sportscenter without seeing some corn-rowed darkie jungle it up.

NASCAR
-The Chase is coming to a close & if Kyle Busch can’t win, I’m definitely glad to see Jimmie Johnson take his third consecutive title.

So drink it in. Even if things aren’t going as well for you as they are for me, I’m sure you can find a lot on this list to be happy about.

Week 6: The Story of Rock's First Win

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Well Rock got his first win of the season and surprisingly enough, it was against Ginny. In celebration of this occasion, I figured I’d take the time to give you a play by play account of the events that led to the victory.
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Sunday October 5th: Rock’s House


Tim: Yee-haw! Listen Rock, I’ve got to catch my flight back to Florida, but I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re due for a win. And I’ll be damned if you’re not gonna beat the tar out of Ginny next week. He’s ripe for an upset, and if anyone can do it… it’s you!
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Sunday October 12th: Aruba



Rock: Ahh, another day in paradise on my honeymoon with my beautiful wife.

*ring, ring* ... *ring, ring*

Rock: You got Rock!



Spae: What's up, what's up, what's up in the hizzie? Hey Maurice Jones-Drew just rushed for 125 yards and scored two touchdowns!



Rock: Ahh, bless my Irish soul. This could finally be the Dragons' week!

Spae: Well, you left him on your bench in favor of Chris Chambers... who scored you 0 points.



*THUD*

Rock: ...

Spae: Anyway, thanks for letting me borrow the Bills mobile while you're gone. I'm gonna go out now and run amok

*Click*
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Monday October 13: Aruba

Rock: Fucking Ginny! As soon as I get back to Buffalo, I'm going to whoop his cranked up ass with my shillelagh. Or in lieu of said shillelagh, Jay Cutler's Diabetes stick!


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Interior of Ginny’s compound on Lockport-Olcott road



Ginny: Damn I'm good! First Kasey Kahne comes in 2nd at Lowe's, the Sabres are 2-0 & Trent Edwards, Roscoe Parrish & Ko Simpson return to the Bills lineup just in time for San Diego. I'm telling you there is NOTHING that can stop this sports streak of luck that I'm on!
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Meanwhile across town, an evil plan is being hatched

Willow Street



T-Smoke: Wadhams, I have been scheming. If I am to help Rock defeat Ginny this week, I'm going to have to ensure that Rock's piss poor 3rd pick (7th overall) Derek Anderson actually succeeds for once. With Kellen Winslow's mystery illness (aka: Wally Nuts) keeping him quarantined, I'll have to turn to my boy.



T-Smoke: That’s why I’ve taken it upon myself to supply him with this anti-4 dropped passes per game, 1 of which would be for a touchdown elixir!



T-Smoke: Not even the NFL's 4th ranked defense stands a chance now!



Braylon Edwards: Thanks T!
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Interior: Ginny's Lair – Watching the game with great desperation



Ginny: Damn it! That's the end of the 3rd quarter and my lead on Rock has been reduced to only half a point!



Braylon Edwards catches his second touchdown pass of the game from Derek Anderson on the first play of the 4th quarter.



Ginny: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

[Door Flies Open]



T-Smoke: YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

[Door Flies Open]



Rock: DRINK IT IN GINNY!!!

[Door Flies Open]



Joey: Yo-BOOTY!!!
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Present Day



Rock: Yeahhhh!!! Dragonnnnss!!!

Ginny: Damn it Rock, let it go already.

Week 5: Over/Under 80

Sorry for the delay with this weeks update, but I fell asleep at 11:00 last night and spent all day Tuesday running around & doing more holocaust research. Don’t worry, I won’t bore you with more evidence of gas chambers being a total hoax, I was just merely explaining why I took so long to change the League Manager’s Note.

Unfortunately I don’t really have anything worthwhile to talk about. I can’t come up with an idea like NFL/Fantasy owners comparisons week after week. The negative long-term effects of boozing it up at Rock’s wedding have seen to that.
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So what is sexy? Is it Alien in a pair of designer briefs? Nah, if I had to choose I’d say that “sexy” is Rock failing to score more than 80 points this week.

For those who might not have been aware, some of us have been keeping a non-official eye on: “Whether or not Rock will go over or under 80 points this week?” See, of the 5 games this season, Rock has scored less than 80 points on three occasions. Plus when you average out his cumulative score over that time, it comes out to be 81.1 points per week.
So from here on out (or at least till the Dragons get their act together), I’ll be keeping an eye on Rock’s point output… or lack thereof.

If I had to guess at this week’s prospects of the dragons covering the over, I’d have to go with under. With Rock on his Honeymoon, he might not be able to set his roster for total domination. Any takers?