Week 3: T-Pain & Why I still can’t support the Bills

It’s hard to believe this picture was taken 8 years ago with a 1.5 megapixel camera phone

Poor T. First Arian Foster with his hamstring, then Kenny Britt going down for the year, and finally having a league high 438 points scored against. To put that in perspective, Joey only has 289.5 against. Hopefully things will change for you now that division play begins this week.

And on a separate note, I just wanted to weigh in on why I’m still not able to get behind the Bills even after their 3-0 start.

It’s like dating a girl for years, and the two of you love each other deeply. You think there is nothing that can come between you. Then one day she starts treating you differently, you think it’s not a big deal so you ignore it. Well before long she starts to become flat out hostile to you, insulting and demeaning you. Unsure of how to react you stick it out because the two of you have been through so much together.

Soon you realize that what you once had is gone, and her love for you has changed to contempt. Then she starts seeing someone new (Toronto?! Really?! Ralph Wilson owns the stadium & team outright and pockets roughly $40 million a year in profit but he HAD to outsource games to Toronto to stay economically viable).

At this point it has become painfully clear that there is no going back to the way things were.

Then a couple of years later she comes back into your life, and she’s looking good. She’s been calling you for three weeks in a row. All your friends are telling you how the two of you belong together, that you had been through so many good times with one another and it would be best for everyone if you just made up and got back together.

Unfortunately, this is where people fail to understand relationships. Nothing has changed. She might look different, and tell me how she was wrong, but the reality is she is the exact same person that insulted, degraded and cheated on me. Who broke my heart with no remorse.

That’s why I can’t get behind this team until Ralph Wilson is dead. These “new look Bills” (which I am still not sold on as being for real) are still the byproduct of Ralph Wilson’s penny pinching, horrible personnel hiring, desire to maximize the bottom line, and indifference to the fans.

If you want to go back to someone who has repeatedly shown you that their feelings toward you range from indifference to hostility, that’s fine. Everyone has their own journey in life, and it’s not my place to tell them how to live.

The organization has gone out of its way to alienate the dedicated fan base (parking price increases, subjective gate dismissals, parking restrictions, a hotline for text messages to report people being unruly in the stadium, entry restrictions to the stadium creating longer lines, slamming the gate in our faces on Monday Night against Cleveland!). All of this was done at a time when the team was in the gutter, when the franchise was little more than a punch line throughout the NFL. Now because they’ve won three games, I’m supposed to forgive all the mistreatment I’ve suffered? I supported them when so few others would and my loyalty was spat on!

It’s finally happened; I genuinely don’t care about the Bills anymore. And sometimes, I wonder if I will ever be able to do so again.

Week 2: The Return of the Dirty Jew of the Week Award

With the regular season just over 15% completed, the biggest injury of the year to this point has hit Spae’s boy Jamaal Charles. I don’t take any pleasure in the injury, it’s just part of the game. That’s why I’m bringing back the Dirty Jew of the Week Award and giving it to the Detroit Lion’s mascot.

I don’t know if Charles got injured trying to avoid the Lion, but it sure seems like a good enough excuse to defuse responsibility for keeping (and hyping up) an overrated running back on one of the worst teams in the NFL who even last season was sharing time with the coal miner’s daughter.

You’re pretty well screwed Spae, at this point you might as well change your team name to whatever you want because the UD Legends will not be celebrating another title this season. I say that even though your litigious quarterback continues to put up numbers only slightly less shameful than the lawsuit he filed against his dead mother.

T-Smoke, sorry for the way my team kept racking up the points against you this week. Winning is only respectable when you do it in a matter that is tasteful rather than just piling on someone and being a dick. You know, kind of like the Yankees.

If I wasn't hit by that pitch, why am I crying so hard?

But in all seriousness, no one is really out of it yet this year (except for Don). In 2008, I lost my first two games, then rallied the rest of the season by winning 13 straight en route to my first championship. So chin up everyone, it’s a long way to December and I say let’s all enjoy the ride together!

The Adventures of Mis-ter Cle-pro

Call me now for your free readin'

Wadhams: Hi Mis-ter Cle-pro. I'm interested in taking Mike Tolbert in the 8th round. What are your thoughts?

Mis-ter Cle-pro: Oh, my goodness. Why would you draft him? "He's the third best running back on a shit team"* (*Actual draft day quote)

Wadhams: Well, "last season of the 20 times the Chargers ran a play inside the opponent's 5 yard line, Tolbert got the ball 18 of those 20 times"* (*Actual draft day quote)

Mis-ter Cle-pro: Fuck that!

I felt this was a better avenue to express my "I told you so" moment than simply posting on the message board.

Just a heads up, I've got class at 8:00AM Tuesday through Thursday so the updates may take a bit more time than in seasons past.

On the Eve of Our 9th Official Season

T’was the week before kick-off, and all through the garage.

Sat a group of 12 drinkers, where once sat a Dodge.

The Bud Light was chilled, in the coolers and fridge,
As faggots on Harleys raced over the bridge.

The cheatsheats were ready, we all were prepared,
When Joe Pro looked up and angrily glared.

Alright, I don't feel like trying to come up with any more. The draft is in the bag and the season starts Thursday night.

I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone for paying their acquisition fees on Sunday. 2009's money went to the beer, chips & draft board. 2010's money went to the pizza and wings Sunday night, with $125 left over for 2012's draft.

Finally, here's the obligatory picture of the draft board so everyone can undermine one another's picks several years down the line.