Week 8: God Giveth, Wad Taketh Away

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I hate to make this post all about me, but I can't tell you how much of a relief it is to have gotten the win this week. Besides, with 5 teams sitting at 4-4 it's all about parity, which I don't think makes for as big a story as two religious figures going head-to-head.

After coming off two shameful losses to Ginny & T-Smoke, I was really down on myself. I was questioning just how much skill I had left in the fantasy football reservoir. Despite Cutler's best efforts (my quarterbacks are hands down the worst in the league), I was able to rally after getting a combined 92.5 points from all four of my keepers.

I'll be honest, I spent over an hour and a half going through pictures on my external hard drive relating to my feelings on religion before I decided I was not going to take any cheap shots at Vic. I'm a big believer in the "Clean Hands Doctrine", something Davie has probably learned about by this stage in his legal career. It means "Those who seek equity must practice equity." If I don't enjoy people pushing their religious beliefs on me, then I should offer the same courtesy in return. And that's all I'm going to say about that!

With only 5 weeks in the regular season remaining, there is a five-way tie for third place. I have the feeling that this season, much like last year's NHL playoffs, has the potential for a last seeded team to win it all. It's going to be an interesting run to the playoffs.

Week 7: So Now I Lose to T-Smoke

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 Well, I can't feel that bad about losing by only two points. I had a midterm exam on Thursday night and I still had Alex Smith in the lineup when the game began. Even though I planned on starting Cutler I just didn't get the opportunity on a count of school.

Personally, I don't feel like it's that bad. If I'm going to miss the playoffs, then I might as well finish on the bottom rung of the league.

But don't worry, I won't intentionally throw games in order to pick first. That's the type of shit that NBA teams used to do and as a result they had to implement a draft lottery to prevent such behavior. Trust me when I tell you that I in no way will I associate myself with a sport as shameful as basketball.

I'm sorry, if I'm lashing out too much. It's just that I miss the NHL. The Astros were out of the postseason before July, the Bills are still the useless group of ragtag losers (who for some reason many of you still believe can win), who aren't even worth watching, and now fantasy football has been taken from me.

My only hope at this point is that Spae doesn't win. "Multiple ScoregasmsUD"? You couldn't come up with a more original name?



It would kill me to see the sacred trophy besmirched by such a "Triple U"* (That's for you Don) name.

Now that we're officially past the halfway point of the season it's safe to say (barring a complete meltdown) Spae will have the #1 seed going into the postseason, but the remaining 5 playoff spots are still mostly up for grabs. So good luck to the rest of you that still have a shot!

*Uninspired, Unoriginal, & Unfunny

Week 6: So it's come to this... I lost to Ginny

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For those of you who were wondering where I was all last week, I just wanted to let you know I was deeply mired in the throes of the 4th stage (Depression) of the: The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as "The Five Stages of Grief"

Since I led the league in scoring in week 1, the process didn't begin until after the second game.What follows is a week by week account of my behavior

1. Denial (Week 2) — "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me, I've got one of the best teams in the league!"
2. Anger (Week 3) — "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this be happening?"; '"Who is to blame? I had the computer program to guide me!"
3. Bargaining (Week 4) — "I'll do anything for a few more wins."; "I will spend a ton of money on free-agent pickups!"
4.  Depression (Week 5) — "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to miss the playoffs so what's the point?"; "I miss my championship trophy, why go on?"
5.  Acceptance (Week 6) — "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for next season."

So here we are, I've resigned myself to my fate as the owner of a sub-par team that will not make the playoffs. My quarterback only got me 8 points this week.

And on that note... Don, you're out of the loop for next year's draft. The fact that you took Robert Griffin III in the round I was planning on drafting him demonstrates that you cared only about receiving assistance rather than trying to work with Joey and I.

In order for an alliance to exist, we need to be able to work together. What we don't need is some hotshot Turk 182 playing by his own rules!

Week 4: My Team Sure Sucks

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No point in denying it, this is not they year The Christ Punchers bring home another championship. If there's anything positive to be taken away it's that:

1. The #1 team in the league is from the NFL
2. I made $20 betting against myself
3. Devin's team still has the fewest points scored overall.

To the 8 of you that voted correctly (and Rock who didn't understand the poll), I want to thank you for your input when it comes to changing the league's scoring system for quarterbacks. Ryan Fitzpatrick & Tom Brady both had 4 TD's Sunday, but Fitzpatrick got more fantasy points despite throwing 4 picks. Needless to say I think it's time to re-evaluate how things are scored.

For the mystery 3 who couldn't be bothered to offer their opinion, the poll will close after week 5 ends.

Until next week...