Week 8: What We Should Have Been For Halloween

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With Halloween 2011 officially in the books, and the fantasy (regular) season nearly 2/3 complete I think it’s time to look back (ever so briefly). With that in mind, I decided to take a page out of my 2008 update with regard to who we would be as NFL owners, and do the same thing for “Who we should’ve been for Halloween” and more specifically, how these costumes tie into our Fantasy Football persona's. Enjoy.
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Devin – Brian Bosworth

What's worse is that this photo was taken AFTER Labor Day!

He’s got the look and the style, but just could never put it together. In the end, they get exactly what they deserve when it comes to football.
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Don - Hobo Batman


This is just all sorts of wrong. Nothing is working, and I can’t even help but wonder if there was any type of plan involved at all when it was being put together
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Urgie - Indian
How’s about some shiny trinkets, firewater and $28 for your whole roster?
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T-Smoke - Pilgrim


Manhattan Isle was a fair deal when compared against the way you’ve fleeced Urgie over the years

Runner-up – Rick James on a count of the way you're always giving Devin grief (like he's the nigga to steal on). Also the Bud Light incident at Ginny’s Sunday added to the case

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Davie - Smithers


Not just because you’re George’s lapdog, but also due to the Elton John concert you attended in lieu of being at the fantasy draft
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Wadhams - Hasidic Jew


This picture pretty much says it all. The complaining, the victimhood status, the sense of entitlement… did I really even need to explain this?!
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Joey – Mr. Burns (as Howard Hughes)


A recluse and shut in who for some reason or another is doing better than the rest of us
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B-Shorts - The Dude

Hey, fuck it man. The Dude abides.
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Joe Pro – The Most Interesting Man in the World


He's the man, he's done it all. The gif below should explain the rest...

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Vic - Tim Tebow


They won a pair of championships a few years back and never miss an opportunity to spread the good news about our Lord
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Spae - Joseph Ducreux


His golden tongue and grammatical prowess are unsurpassed on the message boards & Twitter
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Rock - ...


You know what Rock, you pretty much nailed it.

Week 7: A Message for Drew Brees & Davie

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First off, sorry for not updating last week but I had a lot of stuff to do for school. When staring down the barrel of two exams and a presentation, doing a League Manager update for your fantasy football page doesn’t seem too important.

Anyway, Drew Brees & Davie:

Seriously, how can Spae or anyone with a soul even support this guy? His track record for douchebaggery knows no boundaries. Mark Ingram had 91 yards on 14 carries. Should you keep handing the ball off to him when you consider it will keep the clock running and the Colts have no chance of stopping the Saints? Not when the ass puckering litigious bastard who never met someone he didn’t want to sue has to get his precious 40 touchdowns for the year. Such a classless move by a classless player.

Then again, such behavior does seem apropos when you consider the game took place in the same venue where all the gang rapes and murders were committed in the fall of 2005.

And as for Davie, you may have beaten me this week but at least I didn’t skip out on our fantasy draft to go an Elton John concert. That qualifies you as a…

Week 5: Goodnight Sweet Prince/Why the Bills Are Succeeding

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"Oh, why do the good always die so young?"

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I firmly believe that there is some type of guiding force(s) taking part in sports. I’m not going to try and pretend to understand what is involved, but I can say with absolute certainty that when someone verbalizes or makes any gesture with regard to how they perceive the outcome to be… well, that’s when it all goes in the opposite direction.

Let me explain.

As I lay on my bed getting ready to call it a night, I begin to do my weekly League Manager’s note. The time is 10:40PM. The first paragraph I type out is how there is a three way tie for second place in the NFL between Vic, Spae & I who are all at 2-3.

I genuinely would have had no problem with losing this matchup. I feel bad for Spae the way things have worked out the last couple of years for him in fantasy so I genuinely would’ve liked to see him win. No sooner do I type this out on the page than Jahvid Best runs for an 88 yard touchdown at 10:45PM, securing my victory.

How many times have we seen something like this happen? How many times has Joey called or texted us during a Bills/Sabres game where they were leading only to watch it fall apart? I remember the Bills-Patriots Monday night game two years ago. I didn’t care about the Bills (remember I swore them off after 2008), but I began to give a damn about the outcome. Right about this time I got a text from my buddy Larry in Florida saying congratulations on the win. Well we all remember how things went from there.

Joey texting me at the Cowboys game on Monday night 2007; “This is the upset of the year”, or after the second period of game 7 of the Hurricanes-Sabres series saying “We’re going to the Cup”.

But it’s not enough just to verbalize or convey these feelings, they must also be accompanied by a genuine belief that you know how the outcome will go.

Which brings me to my point. I firmly believe that the Bills are doing so well this season simply because I no longer care about the outcome of the games, or the team.

So ask yourself this, would you rather I went all “Joey Style” and started making wild predictions about the future of the team (both this season & beyond)? Or are you grateful that I have turned my back on the organization and have become genuinely indifferent (and sometimes hostile) towards their success this year?

I’m starting a thread on the message board to discuss times when our fortunes in the sports world changed simply by receiving a call/text, verbalizing our thoughts or any other means I haven’t mentioned. Feel free to contribute your own stories.

Week 4: All The Wad Hate

Or as Joseph Ducreux would say:

When a beacon of positivity like Joe Pro, a regular ray of sunshine glowing on us all from above, takes to the message board to call you a “pessimistic KUNT”… well, you can’t help but re-evaluate your life.

I apologize for upsetting any of you. I have no excuse. So I will endeavor to do better from here on out. It will be difficult to combine the public’s desire to make fun of people while avoiding the pitfalls of pessimism. But how do I achieve this? It’s like trying to find the oil that mixes with water, the rocks that bounce off glass windows or the brilliant black physicist.

Congratulations to Vic & Davie for getting their first wins of the season, even though it had to come at the expense of Urgie & I. Live it up Davie, your wins will be few and far between.

"The Boys Are Out Tonight!"

Spae, a thousand apologies for the bad fantasy advice when I said you should start McCluster over Gore. No matter how much I try and help you out (hoping to lose to you late last season to avoid causing your elimination), I always wind up fucking you over in Fantasy Football.

And in closing, to all those who are upset with me…