Week 12: After all these years, things are FINALLY going Rock's way!

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Behold your new fantasy football king!

Rock finally has a great  fantasy roster, a real jewggernaut of a team. I thought nothing could top him taking down a deer fetus last week, but then BANG!, he drops 183 points on Joey.

It fills me with so much joy and happiness to see him finally doing well.

I'm still sticking with my upbeat, I love everything demeanor that Rock loves so much. Nope, no "negativity" here. Sure, I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.

Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much.

My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst.

And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it.

And then it flows through me like rain.

And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life.

In all honesty, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep up this faux positivity. It's really getting to the point where all the animosity I have let build up is on the brink of exploding.

Week 11: Sunshine, Lollipops, & Rainbows

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In keeping with Rock's anti-bullying campaign I'll continue to stay away from the negativity. Because everybody loves when Wadhams is suppressing the nearly overpowering disgust and contempt for the world he feels every waking moment. Often to the point that he's is pushed to the brink of snapping and completing his transformation into Dexter Morgan.

Season 1 Dexter is still the best Dexter if you ask me

So just call me "Postmaster P", after the main character from Leprechaun 5: Leprechaun in the Hood. And just like "Postmaster P", my goal is to deliver the message of positivity across the UDFFL.

It was still better than any episode of "Ice Loves Coco"

And as long as we're talking about Leprechauns, I got to thinking about how Notre Dame is ranked #1 in the BCS Standings with Alabama coming in at #2. Now what else says positivity better than a get together? Sure, we may have had a couple of moments of unpleasantness when all the members of the league have congregated over the course of the last half decade, but I think things will be different this year.

That's why I'm suggesting we set up our annual end of the year party for Saturday, January 5, 2013. There'll be some NFL playoff games, and it will also be two days before the BCS National Championship, which with a little luck, will have Notre Dame & Alabama playing together.

So think about it, won't you? There'll be the trophy presentation ceremony, food (paid for from acquisition fees), and for drinks I was thinking Irish Car Bombs & Alabama Slammers.

Let me know what you guys think!

*Notice how I didn't even mention that Spae tried to stick it to me by picking up Colin Kaepernick? Don't worry Spae, just like Jesus... I forgive you my son.

Week 10: All About Rock

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I believe it was Bill Cosby who said something along the lines of "There is no better way to guarantee failure than trying to please everyone."

When I didn't do an update, Rock spoke out. When I did my update last week, Rock thought it was far too negative for such an uplifting and positive league like ours.

I think everyone can agree with me when I say tact is not my defining characteristic, so I've decided to make this update about Rock. I'm talking all Rock all the time! And as an act of good faith, I'm pretty sure all of these pics are flattering. Unless I'm mistaken, not one of these photos depict Rock in a lurid or shameful manner.

I present the following as an offering to Rock, submitted for his approval...

I hope you find this update as pleasing to read as it was for me to write.

Week 9: The Cutler Apathy

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Two wins in a row, a personal best this season. It's great to be back! Actually I'm just kidding, my team's still more pretender than contender. Truth be told, I really don't care because even if I do make the playoffs my quarterbacks are so wretched that there's no way I could compete.

I realize a statement like that might seem strange since Jay Cutler got me 28 points this week. Thanks Jay!

 

Jay Cutler: Huh? What? No problem Wadhams. You're welcome. I mean, not that I care. Whatever. Stuff sucks.

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I suppose I could probably talk about Rock's boy  Doug Martin exploding for 70 points this week but... why?

Instead I'd like to encourage everyone to get out there and vote today.

 

So what if it's a foregone conclusion that New York State's electoral votes get awarded to the Democrats. It doesn't mean you should let that fact deter you from choosing between two pre-selected candidates who spend hundreds of millions of dollars to get the right to tell you to live your life.

Right Jay?

Jay Cutler: [Sulks]