Week 12: The Playoff Teams Are Set

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I did some calculating (since ESPN hasn't updated their standings and total points scored as of the time I'm writing this), and I've come to the following conclusions regarding the postseason.

• The White Welkers have locked up the first overall seed with their win, and the Dezzie Does Dallas loss this week. Even if DDD wins this week and The White Welkers lose, the Welkers still have the tiebreaker (most points scored). Essentially, The White Welkers have two bye weeks coming up.
• The match-up between Calvin Candies Ballers & The Christ Punchers will determine the #2 seed, and that coveted bye week. No matter what the outcome, for either of us to win a championship, we will be required to win three consecutive games.
• The Shockers have the final spot all but locked up. The only way they would miss the playoffs would be if Discount Doublecheck defeats them this week by more than 176 points.
• To the rest of the field, I'm sorry things didn't work out this year. We'll know the 2014 draft order by Tuesday, December 3.

With so much already in place, the time for making empty promises and talking smack has come to an end. From here on out, everyone needs to bring their A-Game if they want to achieve Underdogs Fantasy Football Immortality!

Week 11: Mr. Snrub Weighs In

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Hello, my name is Mr. … Snrub. And I come from some place… far away… Yes, that will do. Now I know that for the most part your fantasy football league has their playoff teams set. But I just wanted to weigh in on who I think will have the best chance to win the trophy.

The White Welkers and Dezzie Does Dallas are both good teams, but I'd like to discuss this weeks showdown between two of the bigger competitors.

This week, the Christ Punchers are playing the TSM TuffNuts. It’s hard for me to belive that the Christ Punchers will win since they have their starting quarterback and running back on a bye. Also Adrian Peterson has been hampered by an injury that limited him to 6 points last week. When you combine that with the fact that the TuffNuts have the Texans’ defense, who are playing the Jacksonville Jaguars this week, I belive that the TSM TuffNuts will easily beat the Christ Punchers. I'm calling my shot: TSM TuffNuts will win this week.
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"I like the way Snrub thinks"

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Week 10: Showdown With Rock / Power Rankings

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Well, the much anticipated match-up between Rock and I lived up to the hype. To be honest, I thought that Tony Romo & Dez Bryant were going to destroy me going into the Sunday night game. That's why I was so relieved to find out they didn't perform very well. But during that brief period when I was going through a lot of doubt, I became incredibly angry. That's why I'm not going to shit-talk Rock here. In fact, I'd like to take this opportunity to serenade him, as a congratulatory prize for a well-played game...
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Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar.


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You're gonna go far,


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You're gonna fly high,


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You're never gonna die,


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You're gonna make it if you try;

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They're gonna love you!


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With that out of the way, we can finally move on to the Power Rankings. Just a disclaimer: The total points scored is the biggest factor in determining where the team ranks, but overall record as well as recent play are also taken into consideration
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1. The White Welkers (Devin Ginty) - Manning's ankle injury isn't supposed to be a big deal, and there's no reason to believe he's going to slow down. Combine that with the free agent addition of Riley Cooper as well as the trade which brought in Ray Rice, and that makes the White Welkers the team to beat this season.
2. The Christ Punchers (Peter Mayers) - They're on a three game winning streak and have taken six of their last eight, averaging 115.7 points per week. Knocking off the team with the best record helped move them into second place.
3. Dezzie Does Dallas (Greg Gajkowski) - Regardless of how few points they score when judged against the rest of the league, credit has to be given to their record. Inconsistent play from the QB position has made the team a bit shaky, but they still should have no problems getting into the playoffs
4. TSM TuffNuts (Eric Klumpp) - Despite being .500 over their last four games, this team consistently puts up triple digit points. With Drew Brees & Jamaal Charles, there's no shortage of big game potential from this roster.
5. Calvin Candies' Ballers (David Haylett) - This team has definitely been in trouble as of late. They've lost three of their last four, and haven't broken into triple digit points since week 5! Jimmy Graham's foot injury could be a big problem. Still, they're a virtual lock to make the post season, but this is not the time for the Ballers to be cooling down.
6. The Shockers (Joe Provino) - This team averaged 142 points from weeks 6-8, and looked like they were turning the corner and becoming one of the best in the league. However, they've only averaged 68.75 points each of the last two weeks. This is a bubble team that not only has a good chance to make the playoffs but could actually make a deep run. The only issue is whether or not their play can become a little more consistent.
7. Bible Thumpers (Jeffrey Klumpp) - This team is getting hot at just the right time. Unfortunately, they've run into some pretty tough competition and are going to have to struggle to make the playoffs. If Luck can put up good numbers, it will help assist the already explosive capabilities of T.Y. Hilton and Andre Johnson
8. Wadhams Total Fitness (Joe Slomba) - This is another team that has been victimized by a rough schedule. Inconsistent play has marred this team as C.J. Spiller's injuries have been a major source of frustration as the team has a tough time finding a rhythm.
9. Discount Double Check (Phil Haylett) - The loss of Aaron Rodgers has been nothing short of devastating. Now that Jake Locker is done for the season, the team is in dire need of a quarterback. It's sad to say, but this season is all but over for them.
10. Chunk's Truffle Shuffle (Kevin Klumpp) - Tom Brady's numbers have improved since Gronkowski returned to the lineup, but this team's receivers have been absolutely non-existent this year. Time to start looking at 2014.
11. LakefestCess PoolRashOhNasty (Jeremy Bshorts) - After starting the season 0-6, they've managed to work their way to a .500 record over their last four games. Even though they won't make the playoffs this year, they have a good foundation to build on.
12. Reggie Roby's Watch (Don Merritt) - Having won only once in their last four games, this team is in need of a complete overhaul. Matt Stafford & Tony Gonzalez have been the lone bright spots this year.

Week 9: The Ballad of Urgie

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I've been struggling to figure out a theme for this week's update. There's only so many times I can motherfuck Rock before it just starts getting redundant. Besides, I'm playing him this week so the time for talk had ended. Simply put... "It's go time Mandelbaum!" Also I know that some of you visit the site from locations where it isn't acceptable to view some of the content I'd like to post.

So in the interest of keeping things safe for work and not leaving a blank for week 9, I decided to extend my sympathies to Urgie.

It's no secret I've had a soft-spot in my heart for Urgie after all the fantasy football trauma he's endured. From the Brady injury in the first game of the 2008 season to the one-point loss in the second round of the 2009 playoffs. A game where he was falsely reported to have won, and if he did manage the victory, he'd have been the champion that year. And now, suffering an epic beat-down at the hands of Vic in a week where he scored the third highest points.

What makes these events to sad is that he's never really taken a cheap shot at any of us in the league. I tweeted last weekend how a good fantasy football season will test the limits of what a friendship can endure. Let's face it, even though we're all pretty close friends, the last four months of every year is riddled with disgust for one another that teeters on the brink of downright hatred. In addition to playing a clean style of game, Urgie also seems to have good drafts (winning the Heineken golf bag prize in 2012). It's just that for some reason, usually as a result of circumstances beyond his control (whether it's having a tough schedule, or being forced to endure injuries), he can never seem to put together a winner.

Urgie's probably going to miss the playoffs (even though no one is mathematically eliminated just yet), but I just wanted to take a week to let him know that I sympathize with his situation, and remind him that no matter what happens each season, our league is better for having him in it.