Week 15: Not Sure Who I Want To See Win...

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On one hand, it'd be nice to see Rock with a championship before Ginny. On the other, when Joe Pro agrees to a trip up to Platinum, I'm definitely inclined to believe that he'll be good by his word.

At any rate, we'll know in less than a week.

2011 Draft Order

1. Don
2. Devin
3. Vic
4. Urgie
5. Spae
6. T-Smoke
7. Davie (Regular Season 7-6, 1229.5 Points for)
8. Wadhams (Regular Season 7-6, 1522 Points for)
- Bronschidle (Regular Season 9-4, 1617.5 Points for)*
- Joey (Regular Season 10-3, 1594.5 Points for)*

*Winner will receive $100 and the 10th pick in the 2011 draft

Week 14: So Ends Another Fantasy Football Soiree

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Another one of the many classy actions by the J-E-T-S

Well, that's that, you can kiss the Platinum trip goodbye. I'm not complaining, these things happen in life. Fortunately I was still too hungover from Saturday night (sorry about the couch Spae), to care that my team didn't show up.

So to Joe Pro, Brown Shorts, Joey & Rock, good Luck. Now, on to the revised draft order for 2011*

1. Don
2. Devin
3. Vic
4. Urgie
5. Spae
6. T-Smoke
7. Davie (Regular Season 7-6, 1229.5 Points for)
8. Wadhams (Regular Season 7-6, 1522 Points for)

*In the event of a NFL lockout for 2011, we'll keep this same draft order for 2012. None of that NHL Draft Lottery bullshit that they did for the 2006 draft. Of course since Joe Pro will be drafting in the bottom four next season, the concept of not going to a lottery will be the greatest injustice in history.

Week 13: Why Tempt Fate?

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Your 2010 Champion is somewhere on this page

If there is anything that I have learned when it comes to sports, it's that there is a special place reserved for those who run their mouth. That place is of course is the loss column.

The sports world is littered with an insane amount of people who have felt the need to tempt fate by making guarantees, talking shit and doing everything under the sun possible to angry the sports gods.

The same thing holds true for fantasy sports. Since I've got to write an update, I don't want the responsibility of saying or doing something to draw the ire of an all powerful entity that can bitch slap me into submission.

With that being said, here's the list of the six teams that did not make the playoffs, and how next season’s draft order will begin.

1. Don
2. Devin
3. Vic
4. Urgie
5. Spae
6. T-Smoke

Week 12: Sorry Spae

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If any of you watched Spartacus, you'll understand the photo

I didn't want to do an update last week after I endured another crippling loss, and that combined with the tragedy Rock suffered, I figured my time wouldn't be best spent lamenting a fantasy football game.

I've had this losing streak coming, I run my mouth, I hurl insults. I was only doing it for the sake of stimulating league activity. But with the loss of Rock's mother, I realize that it's important to let those around you know how much you care about them (ironically enough, during the Thanksgiving weekend)

That's why I decided on Sunday rather than hope for my own win (as Spae and I faced off against one another), I was actually pulling for a Vaughn victory. Sure, I enjoy winning, but not when it comes at the expense of one of my friends.

If Spae was a lock for the post season it would've been a different story, but this game was pretty much going to decide who would still have a shot at the playoffs, and who was finished.

I can honestly say I was cheering for him. I wasn't even keeping it a secret at Ginny's. I was hoping for a touchdown every time Jamaal Charles touched the ball. I even cheered when Brandon Lloyd caught a TD pass long after Spae left and it was just Bronschidle & I watching the games.

Then came the downfall of Frank Gore and the lack of play from Malcom Floyd.

Now, it's just me. All alone standing over Spae's vanquished corpse. That's right, the guy with the third most points scored in the league is probably not making the playoffs.

Well as far as I'm concerned, I'm not just playing for me anymore. So for this week, and God willing the playoffs, I'm going to meet each challenge head on with the same aggressive attitude. That's what Spae would've wanted, because as far as I'm concerned, from now on... I'm playing for two!

This one's for you Spae

Week 10: I'm Running Out of Excuses Here

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I'll just have to choose one off this list.

To say I'm pissed would be an understatement. I've run my mouth all year, and my team is now falling apart. But the main reason I didn't update things until now was because I had a pretty big account at work I'm in the process of closing.

That's all I'm saying for now. In situations where I'm this upset at my team's performance, I can only subscribe to the logic that less is more.

Week 9: Wadhams' Revenge List (revisited)

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I had to bring back vengeance panda for this one.

Fucking T! Of all the fucking people to lose to besides Ginny (Not that he's a threat this year), you're the worst. I hope your son grows up to be a Yankees fan. In fact, for the baby shower I'll probably sift through the gutters of the T.J. Maxx on Transit & Main to pick up some Yankees vestments that that place has in spades.

On the plus side, at least I was spared the frustration of watching each agonizing disappointment I faced this Sunday because I was working for my brother in Medina. Non-Union of course. Probably just because we wanted to get the job done properly.

Now before you get too pissed off at me for my Fantasy Football antics, just remember this; If I win this year (unlikely since I'm coming up inconsistent each week) I'll use the winnings to fund another party bus to Platinum. But that's not all! I figure we can make a whole night of it, maybe do it on a Saturday night when the Bandits play a home game. Tickets are dirt cheap, and the Peace Bridge is just down the road. Game starts at 7:30, finishes up by 10:00, we'll be at Platinum by 11:00 which leaves us three hours of debauchery (plus overtime). Trust me, those three hours are plenty when you're drinking XXX.

What other winner would do such a thing? Joey? But he'd have to leave the house and *gasp* spend time around us. We all know that's not going to happen.

So before you lash out at me, just remember how great things could be if I do win it all.

Week 8: Oh, you’ll pay! Don’t think you won’t pay!

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Happy Election Day everyone! Yes, today is the day when people all around the country cling to the false hope that they can turn things around if they just put someone different in there. Right Ginny? (15 Acquisitions and two trades).

With only five weeks remaining in the regular season, the playoff picture is gradually shaping up and the pussy fights in the UFL seem to have yielded Davie a .500 record

Pictured Above: A Classic UFL Showdown

Sorry Davie, but you're still not making the playoffs.

And speaking of the regular season winding down, I’d like to take a moment to discuss the moneys.

On draft day, the following people paid me their entry fee:

• Joe Pro
• Joey
• Devin
• T-Smoke
• Spae
• Vic paid half of the entry fee on October 3rd

As far as the 2009 acquisition fees go, the following have paid:

• Joe Pro didn’t have to pay last year’s because he spent a lot more than he owed buying beer, snacks and that unfortunate incident with Cafora’s
• Bronschidle doesn’t have to pay either since he wasn’t responsible for Tim’s pickups and it only totaled $1.
• Joey
• Devin
• T-Smoke
• Davie
• Spae
• Vic

So please, if you can find the time I would really appreciate you getting me the money. Especially the acquisition fees since I doubt Joe Pro will be kind enough to finance the booze and food every season.

I hate to seem like I’m calling anyone out, but here’s the list of those who still need to pay:

• Urgie – 5 Acquisitions = $5 + 100 Entry Fee
• Rock – 10 Acquisitions = $10 + 100 Entry Fee
• Don – 7 Acquisitions = $7 + 100 Entry Fee
• Vic – $50 entry fee
• Davie – $100 Entry Fee
• Bronschidle – $100 Entry Fee

Week 7: Busey IS Fucking Crazy!

First off, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not updating things. No, I wasn't seething in bitter agony over the Tony Romo injury, I was sick. Still am actually, so I'm going to keep this short. I blame standing out in Devin's driveway drinking in the rain and cold Saturday afternoon.

And second, I'd like to say congratulations to Joey for his INSANE point output for the week. Sorry it had to be at your expense Spae. But well done Joey, your point total of 171 tied me for the highest this season. Once again, the computer program comes through.

Week 6: Wadhams' Revenge List

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Fuck Off:

• Joey
• Ginny
• T-Smoke
• Davie
• Rock (Just Because)

This is just like World War II. I'm Germany, Ginny is the U.S.A., and Joey is playing the role of the Jews.

I'm trying to do what's right for the U.S.A. and take down the damned Jews, (Ginny's division rival) when the U.S.A. gets manipulated into believing that they're doing the right thing by agreeing to help the Jews in their battle with Germany. The U.S.A. oblivious to their shortsighted action (trading Bowe within their division) help the Jews defeat the country that was trying to help them. (Six teams make the playoffs. Odds are 3 NFL teams are going to be there again [just like last year], and there are the two division winners. That leaves one spot left! You just made your division leader stronger while you're still in last!)

End result, the Jews win again because the U.S.A. valued the wrong things!

Week 5: I'm Pissed!

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I should be happy as a result of winning, but there have just been too many other things that are making me mad!

A damn train carrying Ginny & T’s precious coal was stopped on the tracks across Campbell just before Route 31 this morning. It wasn’t moving, it was just sitting there forcing everyone (myself included) to wait. Man, fuck your coal! On top of everything else, the Sabres completely tanked last night.

I should be in a better mood. I’m back in the win column, the NFL is still tearing it up (there’s a reason 5 of the 7 league champions come from our division), hunting season starts Saturday & the best month of sports is in full swing.

Fortunately, I read an article which explains how emotions can be directly tied to facial expressions.

So in order to make myself feel better, I found these pictures of corgis:








And most importantly, a crippled gook crashing his scooter through some elevator doors and falling to his death.



And now, I am happy once again.

Week 4: It Was Bound to Happen

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You're Getting Sleepy...



Seriously, I am so fucking tired. Since Wednesday night I've gotten on average only 5 or so hours of sleep, so I'm not going to put much effort into this week's update. Besides I would really like to downplay the fact that Rock & Davie got their first win of the season. At least this year everyone's records are pretty much respectable. No one is winless or too far out of the chase for a playoff spot.

As for my thoughts on Joe Pro remaining undefeated...



You lucky bastard!

Week 3: There Can Be Only 1!

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Friday night, September 24, Olcott, NY


Bob Barker: And the actual amount of time is...

5 hours


Bob Barker: You have all overbid!


Robert Goulet: (muffled chuckle) A little inside, I know.
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Once again, I was right. I told Joe Pro that it would be a close match between he and I, but in the end he would emerge the victor. Thanks largely in part to a certain masked man who shall remain nameless...


and an inept Seattle secondary (they’re starting Lawyer Milloy for fuck’s sake), Joe Pro remains the lone undefeated team.

I feel my team is a little better than last season, so I'm taking it pretty well. In fact, I'm taking it so well that I've already resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to lose to Brown Shorts this week. With my number 1 Quarterback, number 1 Running Back and number 1 Tight End all having a bye week I'm not holding out a lot of hope. But hey, at least I'm not Rock.

And on the heels of that statement... for as bad as things have been for Rock (yet another season stumbling out of the gate), I’m starting think that a challenger has emerged to take his title as the most inept owner in our league.


Rock: Really?!

Yes Rock, Davie is looking to unseat you. Now, I understand this is only his second year in the league, but let’s be completely honest people. Beanie Wells... Knowshon Moreno... not just keepers, but his first two overall picks. Davie is averaging 70.33 points per week. Did you hear me Rock? That is a whole 10 points less than your 2008 weekly average.

Don't worry though, you've still got your gambling prowess. Speaking of which, the idea of flying to Vegas for our draft one of these years was thrown out there Friday night. I'm on board, think about it.

Urgie 2.0

Urgie totally stole Snelling out from underneath Rock! What do you think of that, Pig Lady?


In case you haven’t noticed (and judging by the attendance, you haven’t) Urgie’s made a whole slew of changes and is threatening to climb out of the cellar.

• New name that celebrates the childhood obesity of a Jewish kid… Check!
• 3:00AM waiver wire moves… Check!
• Shit talking to Rock on the message board… Check!
• Players on his roster getting arrested… Oh, that’s a big check! (Braylon Edwards blew a .16 this morning for a DWI).

Good luck Urgie, if anyone deserves it it’s definitely you.

As far as me, I’m obviously happy with the way things have worked out so far this season. The fact that 2/3rd’s of the league are 1-1 really speaks volumes about its parity.

Now it’s time for Joe Pro and I to have the showdown for the title of the last undefeated team in the league. Remember kids, “the shocker” is all well and good, but…

The Dirty Jew Award: Week 1

Congratulations Rock!

I think I speak for everyone when I say that I did not want to be the first guy that gorged himself on the free agent pool. Fortunately you managed to take that title away from us with gusto.

Though I should give you credit for the following two things:

1. You waited until 5:30 this morning to make the pickups. That's two and a half hours after they were available. Granted ESPN may have fucked up and kept the rosters locked a little longer than usual.

2. Absolutely no player of significant value was taken.

On a side note, I'd like to congratulate T for his win, and offer my condolences to Spae for getting jammed hard by Arian Foster.


*Note, I was going to superimpose Spae's face over that of the whiteboy, but I figured his role as an administrator in our community's educational system might make him only slightly uncomfortable that the image might come back to haunt him.

Rock, the Ol' Dirty Bastard wanted me to tell you:


ODB: Bitch, you know Joe Pro's name, now give him his money!!!

Ginny, I'm looking forward to our only showdown of the season this week. Be prepared for me to push the boundaries of your tolerance for my behavior this Sunday. (I'm honestly not even going to try and piss you off, I'll just be that damned irritating!)

Finally, my heart goes out to Urgie for once again having a keeper get bit by the injury bug in the first week of the season.

As for the rest of you, continue to fuck off!

Prelude to Week One

Ready... Set... GO!!!


The NFL Season gets underway tomorrow night, so I thought I'd take a quick moment to update the front page.

For those of you that haven't voted in the poll, please do so now. I'd like to get a general consensus before anyone's record will reflect how they want next year's draft to go.

Also, I'm canceling the auction league. I've got too many things going on already and it was too last minute to put together. At least enough to where I'd feel like lending my name to such a shoddy product.

Keeper List & Draft Order 2010

Alright, the keepers are in. And let me just say that these are not set in stone, we’ve always had an opt out feature in the event of an injury. So here’s the list, adjust your draft notes accordingly.

Davie:

* Knowshon Moreno, Den RB
* Beanie Wells, Ari RB
* Michael Crabtree, SF WR
* Miles Austin, Dal WR


Don:

* Percy Harvin, Min WR
* Rashard Mendenhall, Pit RB
* Chris Cooley, Was TE
* Matt Schaub, Hou QB


Wadhams:

* Adrian Peterson, Min RB
* DeAngelo Williams, Car RB


T-Smoke:

* Aaron Rodgers, GB QB


Joey:

* Chris Johnson, Ten RB
* Calvin Johnson, Det WR
* Steve Smith, Car WR
* Reggie Bush, NO RB


Rock:

* Maurice Jones-Drew, Jac RB
* Reggie Wayne, Ind WR
* Ray Rice, Bal RB
* Steve Smith, NYG QB



Ginny:

* Randy Moss, NE WR


Bronschidle:

* Peyton Manning, Ind QB
* Antonio Gates, SD TE
* Michael Turner, Atl RB
* Roddy White, Atl WR


Urgie:

* Tom Brady, NE QB
* Anquan Boldin, Ari WR
* DeSean Jackson, Phi WR
* Ryan Grant, GB RB


Spae:

* Frank Gore, SF RB
* Jamaal Charles, KC RB
* Drew Brees, NO QB
* Pierre Thomas, NO RB


Joe Pro:

* Steven Jackson, StL RB
* Andre Johnson, Hou WR
* Brandon Marshall, Mia WR
* Philip Rivers, SD QB


Vic:

* Larry Fitzgerald, Ari WR
* Cedric Benson, Cin RB
* Hakeem Nicks, NYG WR


Same gig as every year, the draft order is determined by the previous season's record. Playoff eliminations are determined by who had a better record, followed by regular season points scored.

1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Since not everyone is keeping 4, here is how things will go:

Round 1 - Completed

Round 2

1. T-Smoke
2. Ginny

Round 3

3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Ginny

Round 4

6. Wadhams
7. T-Smoke
8. Ginny
9. Vic

Round 5

10. Davie
11. Don
12. Wadhams
13. T-Smoke
14. Joey
15. Rock
16. Ginny
17. Bronschidle
18. Urgie
19. Spae
20. Joe Pro
21. Vic


Also, it is imperative that if you made a trade already that you post the parties involved IMMEDIATELY!

Either let me know or put it on the message board. So far we've got:

T-Smoke & Spae Trade
Tsmoke gets Donald Driver ; Spae receives Mike Sims-Walker
Tsmoke gets Jerome Harrison ; I receives Ronnie Brown

Joe Pro & Spae Trade
Joe Pro gets Marques Colston ; Spae gets Greg Jennings

Joe Pro & Urgie Trade
Joe Pro gets LeSean McCoy ; Urgie gets Dallas Clark

Re-Upped

Well, the World Cup is almost over and that means one thing. Fantasy Football is right around the corner.

I just wanted to take a few short moments to update the site when I should be working. First, here's the draft order:

1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Second, Rock says Tim might not be coming back so we'll have to wait a bit to see how things go down

Third, I'm organizing another fantasy league with an auction format. I'd like to keep it to 5 people and have it be an all out scoring bonanza. With so few owners it would be: Start two quarterbacks (4 on the roster), four running backs (6 on your roster), four receivers (6 on the roster), and one tight end (2 on the roster). The real payoff from this league is the draft, and the whole new level of strategy involved with an auction. As of now, it's me, Ginny & Spae. If any of you other two want in, just let me know.

Finally, the draft date hasn't been set yet, but it should probably be around Labor Day again.

As always, feel free to consult the FFL Archive for any questions regarding the last few seasons.