Week 1: ...And We Are Off!

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As I have made a habit of doing the past few seasons, I try not to look too deeply into the outcomes of the first week of the season. A single week isn't really a valid way to measure a team's quality. I like to cite the 2008 campaign when I lost the first two games, only to go undefeated the rest of the way.

Truth be told, I really just want to give the rest of the field a false sense of hope to keep you all from scuttling to your Draft Kings accounts in a feeble attempt to salvage what little fantasy football dignity you have remaining.

But in all seriousness, here are some of my thoughts on the outcomes of the first week's games.

Wadhams v. Ginty

• Don't feel bad Devin, you never had a chance. Even with Rob Gronkowski out and Adrian Peterson only getting me three points, I still had the league's highest score this week. Plus, your boy Le'Veon Bell wasn't playing. I seriously hope you can compete this year so that we can continue the rivalry that's been brewing over these past few seasons.

Rob v. Davie

• It was good to see Rob get his first victory as an official member of the UDFFL, I hope he continues to progress and eventually build his team into a contender. As for Davie, if it makes you feel any better, Devonta Freeman doubled Adrian Peterson's point total this week, and you managed to grab Tevin Coleman in the 10th round. Triple digit points can't be too far away.

Don v. Rock

• Don was able to defeat Rock this week on the strength of the performances Doug Baldwin, Amari Cooper, and Mike Evans turned in. Consistency is the linchpin of fantasy football, and Don has been consistently bad since joining the league. I genuinely would like to see the piss taker's watch the postseason from inside the playoff bracket. Rock's team continued it's failure to impress. The fact that he won a championship is a wound that we all must bear forever, for every one of us (except Rob) need to share in the responsibility of being unable to prevent such a catastrophe.

T-Smoke v. B-Shorts

• In the battle of the hyphenated nicknames, T-Smoke was able to win convincingly due in no small part to the numbers put up by Jew Brees and DeAngelo Williams. We'll have to see how things progress when Le'Veon Bell returns from his suspension. I can't really figure out the quality of either of your teams right now. Some of the players I expected to perform well did poorly, and vice versa.

Vic v. Urgie

• C.J. Anderson and Andrew Luck managed to net a total of 70 points for Vic. Whenever you have that level of production from your keepers, you're off to a great start. The loss of Keenan Allen is a major blow since depth at the RB/WR spot will be crucial with the coming bye weeks. Urgie managed to get a decent number of points out of Jeremy Maclin despite the fact that he's a WR on the Kansas City Chiefs. Hopefully Gurley can iron out whatever it is that held him to only 4.5 points.

Spae v. Joe Pro

• Classic shootout. Neither team was able to pull away from one another until the very end. It's one of those matchups that is great to watch, but horrible to be a part of. Spae, you can blame T-Smoke for this since he was the one who selected the numbers that determined the matchups on the schedule. Brandin Cooks seems like a good draft pick/keeper, and the fact that LeSean McCoy was able to put up 14 points in an abysmal offensive game for the Bills means things aren't as bad as your week 1 loss indicates. The only thing that keeps me from labeling Joe Pro's team as a contender is the lack of point output from his bench. As I stated before, bye weeks force everyone's team into a "next man up" situation. But if his starters continue to do well, he can afford to drop a few points from his week 1 total.