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Friday, November 6, 2015

Pointless Update Five: Futurama Technology

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Anyone who has spent more than five minutes around me knows that a majority of my dialogue comes from three TV shows: Seinfeld, The Simpsons, and Futurama.

Futurama is the show people are probably least familiar with, but I can tell you that you're missing out if you don't watch it regularly.

The series takes place in the year 3000 and as you might expect, it contains futuristic technology the likes of which would be great today. So I compiled a list of the top five Futurama technologies I wish existed right now.

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5. Universal Translator
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How it existed on the show:

Professor Farnsworth intended for it to be able to translate every language which was currently in use. However, because of a malfunction, it could only translate words into an unknown and long-dead language, which is revealed to be French.

Why it would be great:

For anyone who has traveled to an area of the world where people spoke a different language, communication can be difficult. Using an interpreter always leaves the possibility of your words being intentionally changed.

While technology like this isn't that far off, the universal translator seems like a more practical form of communication than an app on your phone.
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4. The F-Ray
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How it existed on the show:

The F-Ray emitted a neutrino beam which allowed the ray's user to see through anything, including metal; because of this, it was even more powerful than an X-Ray.

Why it would be great:

Aside from the superhero ability to see through walls and spy on people, the medical applications would be the real benefit.

An F-Ray could be used to see cancers, tumors, muscle or skeletal damage without the need to go to a hospital or sit in an MRI machine.
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3. What-If Machine
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How it existed on the show:

The What-If Machine was another invention created by Professor Farnsworth. The device resembled a television set, and could predict the outcome of any "What if?" phrased question, though it can only do this three times a year. The machine is made of gold and the method of activating it is never the same.

Why it would be great:

There are so many questions I would love to have answered. What would my life have been like if my parents actually bought their first house on Campbell boulevard and I went to Starpoint instead of Newfane? What would have happened if the Axis powers won World War II?

It could put an end so so much conjecture. The act of debating about the outcome of anything would be put to rest once and for all.
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2. Empathy Chip
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How it existed on the show:

An Empathy Chip was a microchip created by Professor Farnsworth. It was used on robots so that they could feel the emotions of the beings they were interacting with.

Why it would be great:

Ever hear the expression: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."? Well this invention would put any questions like that away for good.

Personally, I'd just like for other people to know what it feels like to be me for about 5 minutes, maybe then people would stop hassling me for my life choices.
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1. Death Clock
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How it existed on the show:

The Death Clock was a device invented by Professor Farnsworth. When someone placed their finger inside the hole on top, the clock made a sound and printed a small read-out that displayed the future "death-date" for that person. It does however have a margin of error of a few seconds, "What with free will and all...."

Why it would be great:

I know a lot of people would be scared to know when they are going to die, but not me.

Aside from the fact that I hate uncertainty, I could map out the rest of my life to allow me the ability to experience everything I want.

Think about it, no one would have to work until a specified retirement age any longer, they'd only have to work until they have enough money to support themselves up to their death.

For example: Let's say I'm set to die at 70 years old like my grandfather. I'd figure out the things I want to do and determine how much money I'll need. I'll probably stop earning money around 60, then budget my finances for travel from the age of 60-65. My last half decade will be spent with friends and family.

Then, here's the best part, I'll start doing drugs throughout my last year of life. I'll kick things off with cocaine, meth, and crack, and in the last six months I'll finish up with opiates. If I overdose, who cares? I'm on the last leg of life's journey as it is.

I just think knowing when your time is up would force you to live life to it's fullest in a way that isn't possible when you're in the dark as to when you'll die.

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