Keeper List & Draft Order 2011

Yoda: He'll Fuckin' Cut You Bitch!

Alright, the keepers are in. And let me just say that these are not set in stone, we’ve always had an opt out feature in the event of an injury. So here’s the list, adjust your draft notes accordingly.

Don:

• Rashard Mendenhall, Pit RB
• Matt Schaub, Hou QB

Devin:

• Shonn Greene, NYJ RB
• Matt Forte, Chi RB
• Vincent Jackson, SD WR
• Peyton Hillis, Cle RB

Vic:

• Larry Fitzgerald, Ari WR
• Hakeem Nicks, NYGWR
• C.J. Spiller, Buf RB
• Michael Vick, Phi QB

Urgie:

• Tom Brady, NE QB
• DeSean Jackson, Phi WR

Spae:

• Drew Brees, NO QB
• Frank Gore, SF RB
• Jamaal Charles, KC RB
• Greg Jennings, GB WR

T-Smoke

• Aaron Rodgers, GB QB
• Ryan Mathews, SD RB
• Arian Foster, Hou RB
• LeGarrette Blount, TB RB

Davie:

• Knowshon Moreno, Den RB
• Miles Austin, Dal WR

Wadhams:

• Adrian Peterson, Min RB
• Jahvid Best, Det RB
• LeSean McCoy, Phi RB
• Tony Romo, Dal QB

Joey:

• Calvin Johnson, Det WR
• Chris Johnson, Ten RB
• Dez Bryant, Dal WR
• Dwayne Bowe, KC WR

B-Shorts:

• Peyton Manning, Ind QB
• Michael Turner, Atl RB
• Roddy White, Atl WR
• Mike Williams, TB WR

Rock:

• Maurice Jones-Drew, Jac RB
• Ray Rice, Bal RB
• Mike Wallace, Pit WR
• Steve Johnson, Buf WR

Joe Pro:

• Steven Jackson, StL RB
• Andre Johnson, Hou WR
• Philip Rivers, SD QB
• Darren McFadden, Oak RB

As far as the draft order goes, it’s the same gig as every year: It is determined by the previous year’s regular season's record. Playoff eliminations are determined by who had a better record, followed by regular season points scored.

1. Don (Regular Season 4-9, 1164.5 Points for)
2. Devin (Regular Season 4-9, 1239.5 Points for)
3. Vic (Regular Season 4-9, 1282.5 Points for)
4. Urgie (Regular Season 5-8, 1443 Points for)
5. Spae (Regular Season 5-8, 1526.5 Points for)
6. T-Smoke (Regular Season 6-7, 1453 Points for)
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7. Davie (Regular Season 7-6, 1229.5 Points for)
8. Wadhams (Regular Season 7-6, 1522 Points for)
9. Joey (Regular Season 10-3, 1594.5 Points for)
10. Bronschidle (Regular Season 9-4, 1617.5 Points for) [Beat Joey for 3rd Place – 127.5 to 126.5]
11. Rock (Regular Season 8-5, 1485.5 Points for) [2010 UDFFL Runner-Up]
12. Joe Pro (Regular Season 9-4, 1414.5 Points for) [2010 UDFFL Champion]

Since not everyone is keeping four, here’s how things will go:

Round 1 – Completed

Round 2 – Completed

Round 3

1. Don
2. Urgie
3. Davie

Round 4

4. Don
5. Urgie
6. Davie

Round 5

7. Don
8. Devin
9. Vic
10. Urgie
11. Spae
12. T-Smoke
13. Davie
14. Wadhams
15. Joey
16. B-Shorts
17. Rock
18. Joe Pro


The 2010 entry fees (which I would appreciate everyone paying on draft day) will be put away to pay for the expenses for the 2012 draft. The list is as follows:

NFL

• Jeremy B-Shorts: 5 Acquisitions = $5
• Wadhams: 11 Acquisitions = $15
• Spae: 7 Acquisitions = $7
• Vic: 10 Acquisitions = $10

UFL

• Joe Pro: 15 Acquisitions = $35
• Davie: 7 Acquisitions = Paid - 8/27
• Urgie: 9 Acquisitions = $9
• Don: 7 Acquisitions = $7 + ($7 from 2009’s unpaid acquisition fees) = $14

XFL

• Joey: 17 Acquisitions = $45
• Rock: 10 Acquisitions = $10 + ($10 from 2009’s unpaid acquisition fees) = $20
• T-Smoke: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Ginny: 17 Acquisitions = $45

Remember, this money is going towards the draft board, draft day booze and food. I am not pocketing a dime. So for the good of the Underdogs Fantasy Football League, please be kind enough to pay.

Draft Order & Entry Fees

Just so you know, I still have the money from everyone’s 2009 entry fees. That’s right, it’s been sitting in my strongbox all this time. Now, that money will be put toward the draft board and beer/food for the draft. I ordered the board today so there shouldn’t be any problems on it getting here by the 4th. Now all that’s left is to buy the booze & food.

The 2010 entry fees (which I would appreciate everyone paying on draft day) will be put away to pay for the expenses for the 2012 draft. The list is as follows:

NFL

• Jeremy B-Shorts: 5 Acquisitions = $5
• Wadhams: 11 Acquisitions = $15
• Spae: 7 Acquisitions = $7
• Vic: 10 Acquisitions = $10

UFL

• Joe Pro: 15 Acquisitions = $35
• Davie: 7 Acquisitions = $7
• Urgie: 9 Acquisitions = $9
• Don: 7 Acquisitions = $7 + ($7 from 2009’s unpaid acquisition fees) = $14

XFL

• Joey: 17 Acquisitions = $45
• Rock: 10 Acquisitions = $10 + ($10 from 2009’s unpaid acquisition fees) = $20
• T-Smoke: 10 Acquisitions = $10
• Ginny: 17 Acquisitions = $45

Remember, this money is going towards the draft board, draft day booze and food. I am not pocketing a dime. So for the good of the Underdogs Fantasy Football League, please be kind enough to pay.

Second order of business is the draft order. As always, it’s the same gig as every year: The draft order is determined by the previous year’s regular season's record. Playoff eliminations are determined by who had a better record, followed by regular season points scored.

1. Don (Regular Season 4-9, 1164.5 Points for)
2. Devin (Regular Season 4-9, 1239.5 Points for)
3. Vic (Regular Season 4-9, 1282.5 Points for)
4. Urgie (Regular Season 5-8, 1443 Points for)
5. Spae (Regular Season 5-8, 1526.5 Points for)
6. T-Smoke (Regular Season 6-7, 1453 Points for)
-------------------------------------------------------------

7. Davie (Regular Season 7-6, 1229.5 Points for)
8. Wadhams (Regular Season 7-6, 1522 Points for)
9. Joey (Regular Season 10-3, 1594.5 Points for)
10. Bronschidle (Regular Season 9-4, 1617.5 Points for) [Beat Joey for 3rd Place – 127.5 to 126.5]
11. Rock (Regular Season 8-5, 1485.5 Points for) [2010 UDFFL Runner-Up]
12. Joe Pro (Regular Season 9-4, 1414.5 Points for) [2010 UDFFL Champion]

Finally, don’t forget to lock in your keepers by this Sunday the 28th at 5:00PM. Once I get everyone’s keepers I will post them on the website.

Underdogs Fantasy Football 2011

Gotta do something until the Sabres start their season

I know I’m probably the only one who feels this way, but with the Bills being such a joke, the NFL loaded with overpaid whiners and this continued lockout, my passion for the NFL has gone from rabid enthusiasm to feigned interest in just a few short seasons.

The big issue at hand for our league is when will this lockout end? If the lockout goes into the regular season, and games are missed, we may need to consider restructuring the schedule from head to head to straight points.

Hopefully things will be resolved in time for the normal schedule to work. In the mean time, enjoy the summer, and I look forward to seeing everyone at this year’s draft (now that it’s officially accepted that you can start the season with no more than four players).

Week 15: Not Sure Who I Want To See Win...

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On one hand, it'd be nice to see Rock with a championship before Ginny. On the other, when Joe Pro agrees to a trip up to Platinum, I'm definitely inclined to believe that he'll be good by his word.

At any rate, we'll know in less than a week.

2011 Draft Order

1. Don
2. Devin
3. Vic
4. Urgie
5. Spae
6. T-Smoke
7. Davie (Regular Season 7-6, 1229.5 Points for)
8. Wadhams (Regular Season 7-6, 1522 Points for)
- Bronschidle (Regular Season 9-4, 1617.5 Points for)*
- Joey (Regular Season 10-3, 1594.5 Points for)*

*Winner will receive $100 and the 10th pick in the 2011 draft

Week 14: So Ends Another Fantasy Football Soiree

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Another one of the many classy actions by the J-E-T-S

Well, that's that, you can kiss the Platinum trip goodbye. I'm not complaining, these things happen in life. Fortunately I was still too hungover from Saturday night (sorry about the couch Spae), to care that my team didn't show up.

So to Joe Pro, Brown Shorts, Joey & Rock, good Luck. Now, on to the revised draft order for 2011*

1. Don
2. Devin
3. Vic
4. Urgie
5. Spae
6. T-Smoke
7. Davie (Regular Season 7-6, 1229.5 Points for)
8. Wadhams (Regular Season 7-6, 1522 Points for)

*In the event of a NFL lockout for 2011, we'll keep this same draft order for 2012. None of that NHL Draft Lottery bullshit that they did for the 2006 draft. Of course since Joe Pro will be drafting in the bottom four next season, the concept of not going to a lottery will be the greatest injustice in history.

Week 13: Why Tempt Fate?

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Your 2010 Champion is somewhere on this page

If there is anything that I have learned when it comes to sports, it's that there is a special place reserved for those who run their mouth. That place is of course is the loss column.

The sports world is littered with an insane amount of people who have felt the need to tempt fate by making guarantees, talking shit and doing everything under the sun possible to angry the sports gods.

The same thing holds true for fantasy sports. Since I've got to write an update, I don't want the responsibility of saying or doing something to draw the ire of an all powerful entity that can bitch slap me into submission.

With that being said, here's the list of the six teams that did not make the playoffs, and how next season’s draft order will begin.

1. Don
2. Devin
3. Vic
4. Urgie
5. Spae
6. T-Smoke

Week 12: Sorry Spae

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If any of you watched Spartacus, you'll understand the photo

I didn't want to do an update last week after I endured another crippling loss, and that combined with the tragedy Rock suffered, I figured my time wouldn't be best spent lamenting a fantasy football game.

I've had this losing streak coming, I run my mouth, I hurl insults. I was only doing it for the sake of stimulating league activity. But with the loss of Rock's mother, I realize that it's important to let those around you know how much you care about them (ironically enough, during the Thanksgiving weekend)

That's why I decided on Sunday rather than hope for my own win (as Spae and I faced off against one another), I was actually pulling for a Vaughn victory. Sure, I enjoy winning, but not when it comes at the expense of one of my friends.

If Spae was a lock for the post season it would've been a different story, but this game was pretty much going to decide who would still have a shot at the playoffs, and who was finished.

I can honestly say I was cheering for him. I wasn't even keeping it a secret at Ginny's. I was hoping for a touchdown every time Jamaal Charles touched the ball. I even cheered when Brandon Lloyd caught a TD pass long after Spae left and it was just Bronschidle & I watching the games.

Then came the downfall of Frank Gore and the lack of play from Malcom Floyd.

Now, it's just me. All alone standing over Spae's vanquished corpse. That's right, the guy with the third most points scored in the league is probably not making the playoffs.

Well as far as I'm concerned, I'm not just playing for me anymore. So for this week, and God willing the playoffs, I'm going to meet each challenge head on with the same aggressive attitude. That's what Spae would've wanted, because as far as I'm concerned, from now on... I'm playing for two!

This one's for you Spae

Week 10: I'm Running Out of Excuses Here

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I'll just have to choose one off this list.

To say I'm pissed would be an understatement. I've run my mouth all year, and my team is now falling apart. But the main reason I didn't update things until now was because I had a pretty big account at work I'm in the process of closing.

That's all I'm saying for now. In situations where I'm this upset at my team's performance, I can only subscribe to the logic that less is more.

Week 9: Wadhams' Revenge List (revisited)

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I had to bring back vengeance panda for this one.

Fucking T! Of all the fucking people to lose to besides Ginny (Not that he's a threat this year), you're the worst. I hope your son grows up to be a Yankees fan. In fact, for the baby shower I'll probably sift through the gutters of the T.J. Maxx on Transit & Main to pick up some Yankees vestments that that place has in spades.

On the plus side, at least I was spared the frustration of watching each agonizing disappointment I faced this Sunday because I was working for my brother in Medina. Non-Union of course. Probably just because we wanted to get the job done properly.

Now before you get too pissed off at me for my Fantasy Football antics, just remember this; If I win this year (unlikely since I'm coming up inconsistent each week) I'll use the winnings to fund another party bus to Platinum. But that's not all! I figure we can make a whole night of it, maybe do it on a Saturday night when the Bandits play a home game. Tickets are dirt cheap, and the Peace Bridge is just down the road. Game starts at 7:30, finishes up by 10:00, we'll be at Platinum by 11:00 which leaves us three hours of debauchery (plus overtime). Trust me, those three hours are plenty when you're drinking XXX.

What other winner would do such a thing? Joey? But he'd have to leave the house and *gasp* spend time around us. We all know that's not going to happen.

So before you lash out at me, just remember how great things could be if I do win it all.

Week 8: Oh, you’ll pay! Don’t think you won’t pay!

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Happy Election Day everyone! Yes, today is the day when people all around the country cling to the false hope that they can turn things around if they just put someone different in there. Right Ginny? (15 Acquisitions and two trades).

With only five weeks remaining in the regular season, the playoff picture is gradually shaping up and the pussy fights in the UFL seem to have yielded Davie a .500 record

Pictured Above: A Classic UFL Showdown

Sorry Davie, but you're still not making the playoffs.

And speaking of the regular season winding down, I’d like to take a moment to discuss the moneys.

On draft day, the following people paid me their entry fee:

• Joe Pro
• Joey
• Devin
• T-Smoke
• Spae
• Vic paid half of the entry fee on October 3rd

As far as the 2009 acquisition fees go, the following have paid:

• Joe Pro didn’t have to pay last year’s because he spent a lot more than he owed buying beer, snacks and that unfortunate incident with Cafora’s
• Bronschidle doesn’t have to pay either since he wasn’t responsible for Tim’s pickups and it only totaled $1.
• Joey
• Devin
• T-Smoke
• Davie
• Spae
• Vic

So please, if you can find the time I would really appreciate you getting me the money. Especially the acquisition fees since I doubt Joe Pro will be kind enough to finance the booze and food every season.

I hate to seem like I’m calling anyone out, but here’s the list of those who still need to pay:

• Urgie – 5 Acquisitions = $5 + 100 Entry Fee
• Rock – 10 Acquisitions = $10 + 100 Entry Fee
• Don – 7 Acquisitions = $7 + 100 Entry Fee
• Vic – $50 entry fee
• Davie – $100 Entry Fee
• Bronschidle – $100 Entry Fee

Week 7: Busey IS Fucking Crazy!

First off, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not updating things. No, I wasn't seething in bitter agony over the Tony Romo injury, I was sick. Still am actually, so I'm going to keep this short. I blame standing out in Devin's driveway drinking in the rain and cold Saturday afternoon.

And second, I'd like to say congratulations to Joey for his INSANE point output for the week. Sorry it had to be at your expense Spae. But well done Joey, your point total of 171 tied me for the highest this season. Once again, the computer program comes through.

Week 6: Wadhams' Revenge List

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Fuck Off:

• Joey
• Ginny
• T-Smoke
• Davie
• Rock (Just Because)

This is just like World War II. I'm Germany, Ginny is the U.S.A., and Joey is playing the role of the Jews.

I'm trying to do what's right for the U.S.A. and take down the damned Jews, (Ginny's division rival) when the U.S.A. gets manipulated into believing that they're doing the right thing by agreeing to help the Jews in their battle with Germany. The U.S.A. oblivious to their shortsighted action (trading Bowe within their division) help the Jews defeat the country that was trying to help them. (Six teams make the playoffs. Odds are 3 NFL teams are going to be there again [just like last year], and there are the two division winners. That leaves one spot left! You just made your division leader stronger while you're still in last!)

End result, the Jews win again because the U.S.A. valued the wrong things!

Week 5: I'm Pissed!

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I should be happy as a result of winning, but there have just been too many other things that are making me mad!

A damn train carrying Ginny & T’s precious coal was stopped on the tracks across Campbell just before Route 31 this morning. It wasn’t moving, it was just sitting there forcing everyone (myself included) to wait. Man, fuck your coal! On top of everything else, the Sabres completely tanked last night.

I should be in a better mood. I’m back in the win column, the NFL is still tearing it up (there’s a reason 5 of the 7 league champions come from our division), hunting season starts Saturday & the best month of sports is in full swing.

Fortunately, I read an article which explains how emotions can be directly tied to facial expressions.

So in order to make myself feel better, I found these pictures of corgis:








And most importantly, a crippled gook crashing his scooter through some elevator doors and falling to his death.



And now, I am happy once again.

Week 4: It Was Bound to Happen

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You're Getting Sleepy...



Seriously, I am so fucking tired. Since Wednesday night I've gotten on average only 5 or so hours of sleep, so I'm not going to put much effort into this week's update. Besides I would really like to downplay the fact that Rock & Davie got their first win of the season. At least this year everyone's records are pretty much respectable. No one is winless or too far out of the chase for a playoff spot.

As for my thoughts on Joe Pro remaining undefeated...



You lucky bastard!

Week 3: There Can Be Only 1!

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Friday night, September 24, Olcott, NY


Bob Barker: And the actual amount of time is...

5 hours


Bob Barker: You have all overbid!


Robert Goulet: (muffled chuckle) A little inside, I know.
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Once again, I was right. I told Joe Pro that it would be a close match between he and I, but in the end he would emerge the victor. Thanks largely in part to a certain masked man who shall remain nameless...


and an inept Seattle secondary (they’re starting Lawyer Milloy for fuck’s sake), Joe Pro remains the lone undefeated team.

I feel my team is a little better than last season, so I'm taking it pretty well. In fact, I'm taking it so well that I've already resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to lose to Brown Shorts this week. With my number 1 Quarterback, number 1 Running Back and number 1 Tight End all having a bye week I'm not holding out a lot of hope. But hey, at least I'm not Rock.

And on the heels of that statement... for as bad as things have been for Rock (yet another season stumbling out of the gate), I’m starting think that a challenger has emerged to take his title as the most inept owner in our league.


Rock: Really?!

Yes Rock, Davie is looking to unseat you. Now, I understand this is only his second year in the league, but let’s be completely honest people. Beanie Wells... Knowshon Moreno... not just keepers, but his first two overall picks. Davie is averaging 70.33 points per week. Did you hear me Rock? That is a whole 10 points less than your 2008 weekly average.

Don't worry though, you've still got your gambling prowess. Speaking of which, the idea of flying to Vegas for our draft one of these years was thrown out there Friday night. I'm on board, think about it.

Urgie 2.0

Urgie totally stole Snelling out from underneath Rock! What do you think of that, Pig Lady?


In case you haven’t noticed (and judging by the attendance, you haven’t) Urgie’s made a whole slew of changes and is threatening to climb out of the cellar.

• New name that celebrates the childhood obesity of a Jewish kid… Check!
• 3:00AM waiver wire moves… Check!
• Shit talking to Rock on the message board… Check!
• Players on his roster getting arrested… Oh, that’s a big check! (Braylon Edwards blew a .16 this morning for a DWI).

Good luck Urgie, if anyone deserves it it’s definitely you.

As far as me, I’m obviously happy with the way things have worked out so far this season. The fact that 2/3rd’s of the league are 1-1 really speaks volumes about its parity.

Now it’s time for Joe Pro and I to have the showdown for the title of the last undefeated team in the league. Remember kids, “the shocker” is all well and good, but…

The Dirty Jew Award: Week 1

Congratulations Rock!

I think I speak for everyone when I say that I did not want to be the first guy that gorged himself on the free agent pool. Fortunately you managed to take that title away from us with gusto.

Though I should give you credit for the following two things:

1. You waited until 5:30 this morning to make the pickups. That's two and a half hours after they were available. Granted ESPN may have fucked up and kept the rosters locked a little longer than usual.

2. Absolutely no player of significant value was taken.

On a side note, I'd like to congratulate T for his win, and offer my condolences to Spae for getting jammed hard by Arian Foster.


*Note, I was going to superimpose Spae's face over that of the whiteboy, but I figured his role as an administrator in our community's educational system might make him only slightly uncomfortable that the image might come back to haunt him.

Rock, the Ol' Dirty Bastard wanted me to tell you:


ODB: Bitch, you know Joe Pro's name, now give him his money!!!

Ginny, I'm looking forward to our only showdown of the season this week. Be prepared for me to push the boundaries of your tolerance for my behavior this Sunday. (I'm honestly not even going to try and piss you off, I'll just be that damned irritating!)

Finally, my heart goes out to Urgie for once again having a keeper get bit by the injury bug in the first week of the season.

As for the rest of you, continue to fuck off!

Prelude to Week One

Ready... Set... GO!!!


The NFL Season gets underway tomorrow night, so I thought I'd take a quick moment to update the front page.

For those of you that haven't voted in the poll, please do so now. I'd like to get a general consensus before anyone's record will reflect how they want next year's draft to go.

Also, I'm canceling the auction league. I've got too many things going on already and it was too last minute to put together. At least enough to where I'd feel like lending my name to such a shoddy product.

Keeper List & Draft Order 2010

Alright, the keepers are in. And let me just say that these are not set in stone, we’ve always had an opt out feature in the event of an injury. So here’s the list, adjust your draft notes accordingly.

Davie:

* Knowshon Moreno, Den RB
* Beanie Wells, Ari RB
* Michael Crabtree, SF WR
* Miles Austin, Dal WR


Don:

* Percy Harvin, Min WR
* Rashard Mendenhall, Pit RB
* Chris Cooley, Was TE
* Matt Schaub, Hou QB


Wadhams:

* Adrian Peterson, Min RB
* DeAngelo Williams, Car RB


T-Smoke:

* Aaron Rodgers, GB QB


Joey:

* Chris Johnson, Ten RB
* Calvin Johnson, Det WR
* Steve Smith, Car WR
* Reggie Bush, NO RB


Rock:

* Maurice Jones-Drew, Jac RB
* Reggie Wayne, Ind WR
* Ray Rice, Bal RB
* Steve Smith, NYG QB



Ginny:

* Randy Moss, NE WR


Bronschidle:

* Peyton Manning, Ind QB
* Antonio Gates, SD TE
* Michael Turner, Atl RB
* Roddy White, Atl WR


Urgie:

* Tom Brady, NE QB
* Anquan Boldin, Ari WR
* DeSean Jackson, Phi WR
* Ryan Grant, GB RB


Spae:

* Frank Gore, SF RB
* Jamaal Charles, KC RB
* Drew Brees, NO QB
* Pierre Thomas, NO RB


Joe Pro:

* Steven Jackson, StL RB
* Andre Johnson, Hou WR
* Brandon Marshall, Mia WR
* Philip Rivers, SD QB


Vic:

* Larry Fitzgerald, Ari WR
* Cedric Benson, Cin RB
* Hakeem Nicks, NYG WR


Same gig as every year, the draft order is determined by the previous season's record. Playoff eliminations are determined by who had a better record, followed by regular season points scored.

1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Since not everyone is keeping 4, here is how things will go:

Round 1 - Completed

Round 2

1. T-Smoke
2. Ginny

Round 3

3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Ginny

Round 4

6. Wadhams
7. T-Smoke
8. Ginny
9. Vic

Round 5

10. Davie
11. Don
12. Wadhams
13. T-Smoke
14. Joey
15. Rock
16. Ginny
17. Bronschidle
18. Urgie
19. Spae
20. Joe Pro
21. Vic


Also, it is imperative that if you made a trade already that you post the parties involved IMMEDIATELY!

Either let me know or put it on the message board. So far we've got:

T-Smoke & Spae Trade
Tsmoke gets Donald Driver ; Spae receives Mike Sims-Walker
Tsmoke gets Jerome Harrison ; I receives Ronnie Brown

Joe Pro & Spae Trade
Joe Pro gets Marques Colston ; Spae gets Greg Jennings

Joe Pro & Urgie Trade
Joe Pro gets LeSean McCoy ; Urgie gets Dallas Clark

Re-Upped

Well, the World Cup is almost over and that means one thing. Fantasy Football is right around the corner.

I just wanted to take a few short moments to update the site when I should be working. First, here's the draft order:

1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Second, Rock says Tim might not be coming back so we'll have to wait a bit to see how things go down

Third, I'm organizing another fantasy league with an auction format. I'd like to keep it to 5 people and have it be an all out scoring bonanza. With so few owners it would be: Start two quarterbacks (4 on the roster), four running backs (6 on your roster), four receivers (6 on the roster), and one tight end (2 on the roster). The real payoff from this league is the draft, and the whole new level of strategy involved with an auction. As of now, it's me, Ginny & Spae. If any of you other two want in, just let me know.

Finally, the draft date hasn't been set yet, but it should probably be around Labor Day again.

As always, feel free to consult the FFL Archive for any questions regarding the last few seasons.

2009 UDFFL Champion

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It's Vic


Another championship for the NFL!
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Here’s the final tally for the acquisition costs:

Vic – 3 Acquisitions = $3
Joe Pro – 15 Acquisitions = $35*
Spae – 13 Acquisitions = $25*
Urgie – 5 Acquisitions = $5*
Timmy – 1 Acquisition = $1*
Ginny – 14 Acquisitions = $30
Rock – 10 Acquisitions = $10*
Joey – 10 Acquisitions = $10*
T-Smoke – 9 Acquisitions = $9
Wadhams – 8 Acquisitions = $8
Don – 7 Acquisitions = $7*
Davie – 7 Acquisitions = $7*

* – Still have not paid the $100 entry fee

Obviously Joe Pro and Spae will have the money deducted from their winnings, but for the rest of you, please get the entry fee to me or Devin (or hell, even Joe Pro or Vic) as soon as possible.

As far as the acquisition dollars, I’m starting a thread on how it should be spent.
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Finally, here is the draft order for the 2010 season:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Championship Matchup

It is with a heavy heart that I must make the announcement that ESPN’s initial report of Urgie beating Vic was inaccurate. Vic won the game by a single point.

This isn’t the first time ESPN has messed up. Remember last season when I picked up Justin Gage & The Giants Defense? Then they put them back in the free agent pool and Rock and Vic picked them up.

Of course that was nothing compared to this fuck-up. This turn of events both pisses me off and depresses me at the same time.

I honestly spent about an hour going to NFL.com and ESPN.com to check their box scores for every game that was involved in the fantasy matchup. I also crossed referenced those stats with our league’s scoring system. I covered everything (even the 3 points Urgie got for Ray Edwards blocking John Kasay’s PAT) and came to the painful realization that ESPN (though after far too long, and some false hope to boot) got the result right.

It’s funny how fragile and delicate the victories can be. If the 49ers scored 14 instead of 13 points, Urgie would’ve won. Just one more Minnesota sack or INT and it would be a different story.

I’m sorry Urgie, I joke a lot when it comes to fantasy football but I can honestly say that of all the people in the league I feel you deserve a championship the most. You don’t resort to cheap shots or shit-talking and I’ve never heard you complain (even after Brady got knocked out in the first game last year and you didn’t take a backup until the end of the draft)

Be that as it may, good luck to Joe Pro and Vic. Even though whichever of you wins will definitely be deserving of the title, I’ll remember this as the season ESPN fucked up (though they eventually got it right)

Week 15: C-C-C-Combo Breaker!!!

Well, well, well. It appears for the 7th consecutive year we are going to have a first time champion in our league. First off, I’ll answer the question of: “What is the payout?”

Since it’s our first season in a 12 man league, the money distribution will increase. Although I should deprive Urigie of this bonus and hold him to the cash standards of years past. Did you think I forgot about you voting down expansion after the 2007 season? Voting it down before I could even make an argument! I saw your “secret ballot”. You wrote “No” before I was even allowed to speak. It’s that type of closed mindedness that makes me think you should be punished for your myopic stance.

But I won’t, for Wad is a fair and just commissioner. I treat all teams with equal respect (after I occasionally engage in drunkenly berating them), so the payout is as follows:

Winner: $750
2nd Place: $350
3rd Place: $100

Now onto the more serious issue of money.,, The only people who have paid are:
Wadhams – I’ve already had my $100 in the envelope since day 1 (After winning the championship and taking second, I’m still playing with house money fuckers!)
Vic – September 6, 2009 on draft day
T-Smoke – October, 22 2009 at Finnan’s
Ginny – November 12, 2009 via a personal check at his house

That’s it!

Joe Pro & Urgie will have their entry fee deducted from their winnings. This leaves the following people indebted to the victors:

Joey
Spae
Don
Davie
Timmy
Rock

It would be greatly appreciated if you could get your money in as soon as possible. Also, I’ll have the final tally for the acquisition fees after the championship next week. After that we need to decide what to do for a year end “get-together” for the usual “airing of grievances” and drinking.

Feel free to post ideas for said get-together on the message board.

Finally, here is the revised draft order for next season:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
- Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)*
- Vic (Regular Season 9-4, 1530 Points for)*

*Winner will receive $100 and the 10th pick in the 2010 draft

Week 14: Things are really starting to heat up!

We're down to the final four teams, two-thirds of the league has been eliminated and we'll have our official champion crowned in less than two weeks.

There's really not much more to say since (aside from Spae), none of us have seen or heard from the remaining team owners in a coon's age.

Now the only thing left up for discussion is which quarterback should Vic start? I included this gif to help you decide:



With all that said, here is the revised draft order for next season:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)

Week 13: The Rock's Outside Looking In

Well, the playoffs are here once again. Does that excite you Todd Haley?


Well, the table is set. Only six teams remain. Joe Pro & Vic earned a bye, while the remaining four have to fight it out in the trenches.

With all that said, here's how the beginning of next year's draft will will go:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock

Yes Rock, you get the last pick from the non-qualifiers.

To the remaining teams, good luck!

Week 12: Playoff Withdrawal

This is all pretty unfamiliar territory for me. I’ve only missed the playoffs once since the league began, and that was the 2005 season (Damn you J.J. Arrington!). Rock, how do you do this every year?! Knowing the futility of the games you play each week?!

Normally, this is the portion of the season where I follow football the most. Where every single touchdown in every single game has an overwhelming value. Last night I watched the Sabres/Leafs game and didn’t even catch the Saints/Patriots.

It’s horrible, the fact that I care so little about football now. But I’m not going to be that bitter, I would like to extend my congratulations to those who are still in the thick of the hunt.

Joe Pro has clinched a 1st round bye, the other free pass to the second round will be given to either Timmy or Vic. Urgie & Spae are in. Finally the last playoff slot will likely be filled by Ginny or Rock, whichever of the two limps to the division championship.

At least I can control my own destiny and pick third next season, unless Don or Davie is willing to trade spots!

So at this point, as a former champion, I can only offer this advice: Be like the attorney in this video: Go after the CASH! The INSURANCE MONEY! The DAMAGES THAT THE LAW ALLOWS! But above all else: GET WHAT’S YOURS!!!


I just had to find a way to include this commercial in an update. Personally, I think that if you're driving, and you get in an accident where you go 35 feet in the air, and then while in the air, your car fucking explodes, well, you might have a case.

Week 11: The Playoff Picture

With just two weeks left in the regular season, the playoffs are shaping up: Eliminated are:
Davie
Don
Wadhams

Those who have clinched a playoff spot are:
Timmy
Vic
Joe Pro

Needing one win to clinch:
Spae
Urgie

And with regard to the lowly XFL, odds are that whoever wins the division is the only one getting into the postseason.

As disappointing as it is for me to miss the playoffs, I can honestly say I would much rather be in the NFL and endure more difficult competition than to slum it up with the likes of the XFL crowd.

Week 10: The Fantasy Code

Sorry about the delay in the update, but I’ve been researching something. Something that all but guarantees with mathematical certainty who this year’s champion will be.

How did I come to this conclusion? What data could I possess that would support this claim? And most importantly: Who will win it all?

Well, first of all, those who know me best know that I find patterns in almost anything in life that is non sequitur. In this case, I was going across the league history when I discovered who will be the next league champion.

The answer: Spae

I present you with the following:

2004 – Bob Leising becomes champion after defeating Joey Slomba.
2005 – Joey Slomba becomes champion after defeating Tim Yaple
2006 – Tim Yaple becomes champion after defeating Jeffery Klumpp
2007 – Jeffrey Klumpp becomes champion after defeating Peter Mayers
2008 – Peter Mayers becomes champion after defeating Eric Klumpp

See a pattern yet?

It’s not like this is a couple of years in a row, we’re going back to 2004. Davie was still in High school, I had just moved to Florida, no one was married, O.J. was a free man. We’re only six weeks from 2010, this pattern of championships is sound. It’s all but a guarantee.

That is of course if Spae doesn’t completely tank. Realistically though, the only way I see this ending is if Joe Pro wins. The pattern all started with Bob Leising. If I were a Red Sox faggot, I would label this a curse, with the only remedy being the person who took over Bob’s team winning it all.

So I’m calling my shot now. Spae’s winning it.

Week 9: The Ultimate Tank Job

FACEPALM!!!

An open letter to Rock:

It seems that the doodle karma struck again. Remember serving Don up with the "Doodle Dance" Saturday night?

What was your lead up to at one point Rock? 70 points or so?

Congratulations, you found a way to make the 2004 ALCS Yankees look clutch!

Seriously though, tough break. It's not like you can control how things go, that's just the nature of Fantasy Football.

Well Rock, at least your pub picks and survivor pool...

Doodle Dance = The New Campbell's Chunky

Week 8: "Blow me! All of you!"

Well, that's it. I'm fucked!

It's over, and I can accept that. I'm not going to make the playoffs this year. I had a good run and now it's someone else's time to shine.

At least I got Ryan Moats off the free agent wire. Not that I need a running back, it's just that I had to make sure Ginny didn't get him to supplant his boy Slaton.

Yes, it's come to this again. I can't beat anyone else so I pick on Ginny for his shortcomings. Kind of like the kid at school who's father beats the hell out of him. Wishing he could fight back against his father, but just isn't big enough, he decides to pick on the weakest kid in school.

That's right Ginny, you're the league's bitch and you always will be until you win a championship!

The sweater photo will be mine! And once that happens, may God have mercy on your soul!

On a side note I'll be in Vegas this weekend. Penthouse at the Palms. No I'm not joking. In the words of Bender: "Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourself!"

Week 7: 'Godspeed, little doodle,'

Peter Mayers: is happy to see the doodle brought back down to earth!!!
Peter Mayers: thinks Rock angered the Fantasy Football Gods by serving Spae something fierce with that gay doodle dance in week 6!!!
Peter Mayers: thinks Rock should get a Twitter account so none of us can be deprived of his every waking thought ;)
Peter Mayers: would like to know why if he was never in the balloon, can the kid be called "Balloon Boy"???
Peter Mayers: believes Cyril Sneer to be the third most bad-ass cartoon supervillian of all time!!!

Peter Mayers: is pumped for the nationally televised UB game one week from tonight!
Peter Mayers: will continue to mock Rock's constant Facebook status updates until he sees fit to stop!!!
Peter Mayers: hopes Facebook status updates are the new promise ring!!!

Week 6: Spartans Win!

It's about damned time!

Finally, not only do I win for the first time since week one, but I put up the highest point total of the week.

I'm still getting screwed by my opponent's record points scored each week (819 points against over 6 weeks), but for now at least... I'm not quite as pissed.

Ahh Spartans, you are the freaking wind beneath my wings. Sometimes, I know, I know… I know I don’t communicate how I feel when I scream: “You suck, or fucking bastards!”

You know that what I really mean is: “You golden champions, you must try harder and I believe in you. I have faith in you.”

Now I'll be facing off against Joey, my long-time ally in fantasy football. I can cope with a loss to Joey a lot better than I do other opponents.

I'm going to use this time to relax, take it all in and get some work done around the office. Rejoice my people, you've been spared a week of my complaining and whining!

Week 5: Fuck this! Someone else do an update!

This is how I feel!

Another fucking week where I get jammed by a record performance at the hands of another player, while mine fail to show up.

Do your own damned updates!

Week 4: FUUUUUUUUUUU

Fuck you Vic! And fuck the Rams for letting the Niners D score 44 points!

You've screwed me again!