Week 7: Busey IS Fucking Crazy!

First off, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for not updating things. No, I wasn't seething in bitter agony over the Tony Romo injury, I was sick. Still am actually, so I'm going to keep this short. I blame standing out in Devin's driveway drinking in the rain and cold Saturday afternoon.

And second, I'd like to say congratulations to Joey for his INSANE point output for the week. Sorry it had to be at your expense Spae. But well done Joey, your point total of 171 tied me for the highest this season. Once again, the computer program comes through.

Week 6: Wadhams' Revenge List

___________________________________________________



Fuck Off:

• Joey
• Ginny
• T-Smoke
• Davie
• Rock (Just Because)

This is just like World War II. I'm Germany, Ginny is the U.S.A., and Joey is playing the role of the Jews.

I'm trying to do what's right for the U.S.A. and take down the damned Jews, (Ginny's division rival) when the U.S.A. gets manipulated into believing that they're doing the right thing by agreeing to help the Jews in their battle with Germany. The U.S.A. oblivious to their shortsighted action (trading Bowe within their division) help the Jews defeat the country that was trying to help them. (Six teams make the playoffs. Odds are 3 NFL teams are going to be there again [just like last year], and there are the two division winners. That leaves one spot left! You just made your division leader stronger while you're still in last!)

End result, the Jews win again because the U.S.A. valued the wrong things!

Week 5: I'm Pissed!

___________________________________________________


I should be happy as a result of winning, but there have just been too many other things that are making me mad!

A damn train carrying Ginny & T’s precious coal was stopped on the tracks across Campbell just before Route 31 this morning. It wasn’t moving, it was just sitting there forcing everyone (myself included) to wait. Man, fuck your coal! On top of everything else, the Sabres completely tanked last night.

I should be in a better mood. I’m back in the win column, the NFL is still tearing it up (there’s a reason 5 of the 7 league champions come from our division), hunting season starts Saturday & the best month of sports is in full swing.

Fortunately, I read an article which explains how emotions can be directly tied to facial expressions.

So in order to make myself feel better, I found these pictures of corgis:








And most importantly, a crippled gook crashing his scooter through some elevator doors and falling to his death.



And now, I am happy once again.

Week 4: It Was Bound to Happen

___________________________________________________

You're Getting Sleepy...



Seriously, I am so fucking tired. Since Wednesday night I've gotten on average only 5 or so hours of sleep, so I'm not going to put much effort into this week's update. Besides I would really like to downplay the fact that Rock & Davie got their first win of the season. At least this year everyone's records are pretty much respectable. No one is winless or too far out of the chase for a playoff spot.

As for my thoughts on Joe Pro remaining undefeated...



You lucky bastard!

Week 3: There Can Be Only 1!

___________________________________________________
Friday night, September 24, Olcott, NY


Bob Barker: And the actual amount of time is...

5 hours


Bob Barker: You have all overbid!


Robert Goulet: (muffled chuckle) A little inside, I know.
___________________________________________________

Once again, I was right. I told Joe Pro that it would be a close match between he and I, but in the end he would emerge the victor. Thanks largely in part to a certain masked man who shall remain nameless...


and an inept Seattle secondary (they’re starting Lawyer Milloy for fuck’s sake), Joe Pro remains the lone undefeated team.

I feel my team is a little better than last season, so I'm taking it pretty well. In fact, I'm taking it so well that I've already resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to lose to Brown Shorts this week. With my number 1 Quarterback, number 1 Running Back and number 1 Tight End all having a bye week I'm not holding out a lot of hope. But hey, at least I'm not Rock.

And on the heels of that statement... for as bad as things have been for Rock (yet another season stumbling out of the gate), I’m starting think that a challenger has emerged to take his title as the most inept owner in our league.


Rock: Really?!

Yes Rock, Davie is looking to unseat you. Now, I understand this is only his second year in the league, but let’s be completely honest people. Beanie Wells... Knowshon Moreno... not just keepers, but his first two overall picks. Davie is averaging 70.33 points per week. Did you hear me Rock? That is a whole 10 points less than your 2008 weekly average.

Don't worry though, you've still got your gambling prowess. Speaking of which, the idea of flying to Vegas for our draft one of these years was thrown out there Friday night. I'm on board, think about it.

Urgie 2.0

Urgie totally stole Snelling out from underneath Rock! What do you think of that, Pig Lady?


In case you haven’t noticed (and judging by the attendance, you haven’t) Urgie’s made a whole slew of changes and is threatening to climb out of the cellar.

• New name that celebrates the childhood obesity of a Jewish kid… Check!
• 3:00AM waiver wire moves… Check!
• Shit talking to Rock on the message board… Check!
• Players on his roster getting arrested… Oh, that’s a big check! (Braylon Edwards blew a .16 this morning for a DWI).

Good luck Urgie, if anyone deserves it it’s definitely you.

As far as me, I’m obviously happy with the way things have worked out so far this season. The fact that 2/3rd’s of the league are 1-1 really speaks volumes about its parity.

Now it’s time for Joe Pro and I to have the showdown for the title of the last undefeated team in the league. Remember kids, “the shocker” is all well and good, but…

The Dirty Jew Award: Week 1

Congratulations Rock!

I think I speak for everyone when I say that I did not want to be the first guy that gorged himself on the free agent pool. Fortunately you managed to take that title away from us with gusto.

Though I should give you credit for the following two things:

1. You waited until 5:30 this morning to make the pickups. That's two and a half hours after they were available. Granted ESPN may have fucked up and kept the rosters locked a little longer than usual.

2. Absolutely no player of significant value was taken.

On a side note, I'd like to congratulate T for his win, and offer my condolences to Spae for getting jammed hard by Arian Foster.


*Note, I was going to superimpose Spae's face over that of the whiteboy, but I figured his role as an administrator in our community's educational system might make him only slightly uncomfortable that the image might come back to haunt him.

Rock, the Ol' Dirty Bastard wanted me to tell you:


ODB: Bitch, you know Joe Pro's name, now give him his money!!!

Ginny, I'm looking forward to our only showdown of the season this week. Be prepared for me to push the boundaries of your tolerance for my behavior this Sunday. (I'm honestly not even going to try and piss you off, I'll just be that damned irritating!)

Finally, my heart goes out to Urgie for once again having a keeper get bit by the injury bug in the first week of the season.

As for the rest of you, continue to fuck off!

Prelude to Week One

Ready... Set... GO!!!


The NFL Season gets underway tomorrow night, so I thought I'd take a quick moment to update the front page.

For those of you that haven't voted in the poll, please do so now. I'd like to get a general consensus before anyone's record will reflect how they want next year's draft to go.

Also, I'm canceling the auction league. I've got too many things going on already and it was too last minute to put together. At least enough to where I'd feel like lending my name to such a shoddy product.

Keeper List & Draft Order 2010

Alright, the keepers are in. And let me just say that these are not set in stone, we’ve always had an opt out feature in the event of an injury. So here’s the list, adjust your draft notes accordingly.

Davie:

* Knowshon Moreno, Den RB
* Beanie Wells, Ari RB
* Michael Crabtree, SF WR
* Miles Austin, Dal WR


Don:

* Percy Harvin, Min WR
* Rashard Mendenhall, Pit RB
* Chris Cooley, Was TE
* Matt Schaub, Hou QB


Wadhams:

* Adrian Peterson, Min RB
* DeAngelo Williams, Car RB


T-Smoke:

* Aaron Rodgers, GB QB


Joey:

* Chris Johnson, Ten RB
* Calvin Johnson, Det WR
* Steve Smith, Car WR
* Reggie Bush, NO RB


Rock:

* Maurice Jones-Drew, Jac RB
* Reggie Wayne, Ind WR
* Ray Rice, Bal RB
* Steve Smith, NYG QB



Ginny:

* Randy Moss, NE WR


Bronschidle:

* Peyton Manning, Ind QB
* Antonio Gates, SD TE
* Michael Turner, Atl RB
* Roddy White, Atl WR


Urgie:

* Tom Brady, NE QB
* Anquan Boldin, Ari WR
* DeSean Jackson, Phi WR
* Ryan Grant, GB RB


Spae:

* Frank Gore, SF RB
* Jamaal Charles, KC RB
* Drew Brees, NO QB
* Pierre Thomas, NO RB


Joe Pro:

* Steven Jackson, StL RB
* Andre Johnson, Hou WR
* Brandon Marshall, Mia WR
* Philip Rivers, SD QB


Vic:

* Larry Fitzgerald, Ari WR
* Cedric Benson, Cin RB
* Hakeem Nicks, NYG WR


Same gig as every year, the draft order is determined by the previous season's record. Playoff eliminations are determined by who had a better record, followed by regular season points scored.

1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Since not everyone is keeping 4, here is how things will go:

Round 1 - Completed

Round 2

1. T-Smoke
2. Ginny

Round 3

3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Ginny

Round 4

6. Wadhams
7. T-Smoke
8. Ginny
9. Vic

Round 5

10. Davie
11. Don
12. Wadhams
13. T-Smoke
14. Joey
15. Rock
16. Ginny
17. Bronschidle
18. Urgie
19. Spae
20. Joe Pro
21. Vic


Also, it is imperative that if you made a trade already that you post the parties involved IMMEDIATELY!

Either let me know or put it on the message board. So far we've got:

T-Smoke & Spae Trade
Tsmoke gets Donald Driver ; Spae receives Mike Sims-Walker
Tsmoke gets Jerome Harrison ; I receives Ronnie Brown

Joe Pro & Spae Trade
Joe Pro gets Marques Colston ; Spae gets Greg Jennings

Joe Pro & Urgie Trade
Joe Pro gets LeSean McCoy ; Urgie gets Dallas Clark

Re-Upped

Well, the World Cup is almost over and that means one thing. Fantasy Football is right around the corner.

I just wanted to take a few short moments to update the site when I should be working. First, here's the draft order:

1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Second, Rock says Tim might not be coming back so we'll have to wait a bit to see how things go down

Third, I'm organizing another fantasy league with an auction format. I'd like to keep it to 5 people and have it be an all out scoring bonanza. With so few owners it would be: Start two quarterbacks (4 on the roster), four running backs (6 on your roster), four receivers (6 on the roster), and one tight end (2 on the roster). The real payoff from this league is the draft, and the whole new level of strategy involved with an auction. As of now, it's me, Ginny & Spae. If any of you other two want in, just let me know.

Finally, the draft date hasn't been set yet, but it should probably be around Labor Day again.

As always, feel free to consult the FFL Archive for any questions regarding the last few seasons.

2009 UDFFL Champion

___________________________________________________

It's Vic


Another championship for the NFL!
___________________________________________________

Here’s the final tally for the acquisition costs:

Vic – 3 Acquisitions = $3
Joe Pro – 15 Acquisitions = $35*
Spae – 13 Acquisitions = $25*
Urgie – 5 Acquisitions = $5*
Timmy – 1 Acquisition = $1*
Ginny – 14 Acquisitions = $30
Rock – 10 Acquisitions = $10*
Joey – 10 Acquisitions = $10*
T-Smoke – 9 Acquisitions = $9
Wadhams – 8 Acquisitions = $8
Don – 7 Acquisitions = $7*
Davie – 7 Acquisitions = $7*

* – Still have not paid the $100 entry fee

Obviously Joe Pro and Spae will have the money deducted from their winnings, but for the rest of you, please get the entry fee to me or Devin (or hell, even Joe Pro or Vic) as soon as possible.

As far as the acquisition dollars, I’m starting a thread on how it should be spent.
___________________________________________________

Finally, here is the draft order for the 2010 season:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
9. Urgie (Regular Season 8-5, 1554.5 Points for)
10. Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)
11. Joe Pro (Lost Championship Game)
12. Vic (2009 League Champion)

Championship Matchup

It is with a heavy heart that I must make the announcement that ESPN’s initial report of Urgie beating Vic was inaccurate. Vic won the game by a single point.

This isn’t the first time ESPN has messed up. Remember last season when I picked up Justin Gage & The Giants Defense? Then they put them back in the free agent pool and Rock and Vic picked them up.

Of course that was nothing compared to this fuck-up. This turn of events both pisses me off and depresses me at the same time.

I honestly spent about an hour going to NFL.com and ESPN.com to check their box scores for every game that was involved in the fantasy matchup. I also crossed referenced those stats with our league’s scoring system. I covered everything (even the 3 points Urgie got for Ray Edwards blocking John Kasay’s PAT) and came to the painful realization that ESPN (though after far too long, and some false hope to boot) got the result right.

It’s funny how fragile and delicate the victories can be. If the 49ers scored 14 instead of 13 points, Urgie would’ve won. Just one more Minnesota sack or INT and it would be a different story.

I’m sorry Urgie, I joke a lot when it comes to fantasy football but I can honestly say that of all the people in the league I feel you deserve a championship the most. You don’t resort to cheap shots or shit-talking and I’ve never heard you complain (even after Brady got knocked out in the first game last year and you didn’t take a backup until the end of the draft)

Be that as it may, good luck to Joe Pro and Vic. Even though whichever of you wins will definitely be deserving of the title, I’ll remember this as the season ESPN fucked up (though they eventually got it right)

Week 15: C-C-C-Combo Breaker!!!

Well, well, well. It appears for the 7th consecutive year we are going to have a first time champion in our league. First off, I’ll answer the question of: “What is the payout?”

Since it’s our first season in a 12 man league, the money distribution will increase. Although I should deprive Urigie of this bonus and hold him to the cash standards of years past. Did you think I forgot about you voting down expansion after the 2007 season? Voting it down before I could even make an argument! I saw your “secret ballot”. You wrote “No” before I was even allowed to speak. It’s that type of closed mindedness that makes me think you should be punished for your myopic stance.

But I won’t, for Wad is a fair and just commissioner. I treat all teams with equal respect (after I occasionally engage in drunkenly berating them), so the payout is as follows:

Winner: $750
2nd Place: $350
3rd Place: $100

Now onto the more serious issue of money.,, The only people who have paid are:
Wadhams – I’ve already had my $100 in the envelope since day 1 (After winning the championship and taking second, I’m still playing with house money fuckers!)
Vic – September 6, 2009 on draft day
T-Smoke – October, 22 2009 at Finnan’s
Ginny – November 12, 2009 via a personal check at his house

That’s it!

Joe Pro & Urgie will have their entry fee deducted from their winnings. This leaves the following people indebted to the victors:

Joey
Spae
Don
Davie
Timmy
Rock

It would be greatly appreciated if you could get your money in as soon as possible. Also, I’ll have the final tally for the acquisition fees after the championship next week. After that we need to decide what to do for a year end “get-together” for the usual “airing of grievances” and drinking.

Feel free to post ideas for said get-together on the message board.

Finally, here is the revised draft order for next season:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)
- Spae (Regular Season 9-4, 1448 Points for)*
- Vic (Regular Season 9-4, 1530 Points for)*

*Winner will receive $100 and the 10th pick in the 2010 draft

Week 14: Things are really starting to heat up!

We're down to the final four teams, two-thirds of the league has been eliminated and we'll have our official champion crowned in less than two weeks.

There's really not much more to say since (aside from Spae), none of us have seen or heard from the remaining team owners in a coon's age.

Now the only thing left up for discussion is which quarterback should Vic start? I included this gif to help you decide:



With all that said, here is the revised draft order for next season:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1407.5 Points for)
8. Timmy (Regular Season 9-4, 1505.5 Points for)

Week 13: The Rock's Outside Looking In

Well, the playoffs are here once again. Does that excite you Todd Haley?


Well, the table is set. Only six teams remain. Joe Pro & Vic earned a bye, while the remaining four have to fight it out in the trenches.

With all that said, here's how the beginning of next year's draft will will go:
1. Davie
2. Don
3. Wadhams
4. T-Smoke
5. Joey
6. Rock

Yes Rock, you get the last pick from the non-qualifiers.

To the remaining teams, good luck!

Week 12: Playoff Withdrawal

This is all pretty unfamiliar territory for me. I’ve only missed the playoffs once since the league began, and that was the 2005 season (Damn you J.J. Arrington!). Rock, how do you do this every year?! Knowing the futility of the games you play each week?!

Normally, this is the portion of the season where I follow football the most. Where every single touchdown in every single game has an overwhelming value. Last night I watched the Sabres/Leafs game and didn’t even catch the Saints/Patriots.

It’s horrible, the fact that I care so little about football now. But I’m not going to be that bitter, I would like to extend my congratulations to those who are still in the thick of the hunt.

Joe Pro has clinched a 1st round bye, the other free pass to the second round will be given to either Timmy or Vic. Urgie & Spae are in. Finally the last playoff slot will likely be filled by Ginny or Rock, whichever of the two limps to the division championship.

At least I can control my own destiny and pick third next season, unless Don or Davie is willing to trade spots!

So at this point, as a former champion, I can only offer this advice: Be like the attorney in this video: Go after the CASH! The INSURANCE MONEY! The DAMAGES THAT THE LAW ALLOWS! But above all else: GET WHAT’S YOURS!!!


I just had to find a way to include this commercial in an update. Personally, I think that if you're driving, and you get in an accident where you go 35 feet in the air, and then while in the air, your car fucking explodes, well, you might have a case.

Week 11: The Playoff Picture

With just two weeks left in the regular season, the playoffs are shaping up: Eliminated are:
Davie
Don
Wadhams

Those who have clinched a playoff spot are:
Timmy
Vic
Joe Pro

Needing one win to clinch:
Spae
Urgie

And with regard to the lowly XFL, odds are that whoever wins the division is the only one getting into the postseason.

As disappointing as it is for me to miss the playoffs, I can honestly say I would much rather be in the NFL and endure more difficult competition than to slum it up with the likes of the XFL crowd.

Week 10: The Fantasy Code

Sorry about the delay in the update, but I’ve been researching something. Something that all but guarantees with mathematical certainty who this year’s champion will be.

How did I come to this conclusion? What data could I possess that would support this claim? And most importantly: Who will win it all?

Well, first of all, those who know me best know that I find patterns in almost anything in life that is non sequitur. In this case, I was going across the league history when I discovered who will be the next league champion.

The answer: Spae

I present you with the following:

2004 – Bob Leising becomes champion after defeating Joey Slomba.
2005 – Joey Slomba becomes champion after defeating Tim Yaple
2006 – Tim Yaple becomes champion after defeating Jeffery Klumpp
2007 – Jeffrey Klumpp becomes champion after defeating Peter Mayers
2008 – Peter Mayers becomes champion after defeating Eric Klumpp

See a pattern yet?

It’s not like this is a couple of years in a row, we’re going back to 2004. Davie was still in High school, I had just moved to Florida, no one was married, O.J. was a free man. We’re only six weeks from 2010, this pattern of championships is sound. It’s all but a guarantee.

That is of course if Spae doesn’t completely tank. Realistically though, the only way I see this ending is if Joe Pro wins. The pattern all started with Bob Leising. If I were a Red Sox faggot, I would label this a curse, with the only remedy being the person who took over Bob’s team winning it all.

So I’m calling my shot now. Spae’s winning it.

Week 9: The Ultimate Tank Job

FACEPALM!!!

An open letter to Rock:

It seems that the doodle karma struck again. Remember serving Don up with the "Doodle Dance" Saturday night?

What was your lead up to at one point Rock? 70 points or so?

Congratulations, you found a way to make the 2004 ALCS Yankees look clutch!

Seriously though, tough break. It's not like you can control how things go, that's just the nature of Fantasy Football.

Well Rock, at least your pub picks and survivor pool...

Doodle Dance = The New Campbell's Chunky

Week 8: "Blow me! All of you!"

Well, that's it. I'm fucked!

It's over, and I can accept that. I'm not going to make the playoffs this year. I had a good run and now it's someone else's time to shine.

At least I got Ryan Moats off the free agent wire. Not that I need a running back, it's just that I had to make sure Ginny didn't get him to supplant his boy Slaton.

Yes, it's come to this again. I can't beat anyone else so I pick on Ginny for his shortcomings. Kind of like the kid at school who's father beats the hell out of him. Wishing he could fight back against his father, but just isn't big enough, he decides to pick on the weakest kid in school.

That's right Ginny, you're the league's bitch and you always will be until you win a championship!

The sweater photo will be mine! And once that happens, may God have mercy on your soul!

On a side note I'll be in Vegas this weekend. Penthouse at the Palms. No I'm not joking. In the words of Bender: "Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourself!"

Week 7: 'Godspeed, little doodle,'

Peter Mayers: is happy to see the doodle brought back down to earth!!!
Peter Mayers: thinks Rock angered the Fantasy Football Gods by serving Spae something fierce with that gay doodle dance in week 6!!!
Peter Mayers: thinks Rock should get a Twitter account so none of us can be deprived of his every waking thought ;)
Peter Mayers: would like to know why if he was never in the balloon, can the kid be called "Balloon Boy"???
Peter Mayers: believes Cyril Sneer to be the third most bad-ass cartoon supervillian of all time!!!

Peter Mayers: is pumped for the nationally televised UB game one week from tonight!
Peter Mayers: will continue to mock Rock's constant Facebook status updates until he sees fit to stop!!!
Peter Mayers: hopes Facebook status updates are the new promise ring!!!

Week 6: Spartans Win!

It's about damned time!

Finally, not only do I win for the first time since week one, but I put up the highest point total of the week.

I'm still getting screwed by my opponent's record points scored each week (819 points against over 6 weeks), but for now at least... I'm not quite as pissed.

Ahh Spartans, you are the freaking wind beneath my wings. Sometimes, I know, I know… I know I don’t communicate how I feel when I scream: “You suck, or fucking bastards!”

You know that what I really mean is: “You golden champions, you must try harder and I believe in you. I have faith in you.”

Now I'll be facing off against Joey, my long-time ally in fantasy football. I can cope with a loss to Joey a lot better than I do other opponents.

I'm going to use this time to relax, take it all in and get some work done around the office. Rejoice my people, you've been spared a week of my complaining and whining!

Week 5: Fuck this! Someone else do an update!

This is how I feel!

Another fucking week where I get jammed by a record performance at the hands of another player, while mine fail to show up.

Do your own damned updates!

Week 4: FUUUUUUUUUUU

Fuck you Vic! And fuck the Rams for letting the Niners D score 44 points!

You've screwed me again!

Week 3: The (Championship) Hangover

I’m beginning to understand why repeating as a champion is so hard. Why so many teams aren’t hungry enough to pull off a second consecutive championship.

Last season I had 24 free agent pickups. Now I’m only at 1, and I’ll be amazed if I break into double digits.

The point is, I just don’t care enough to fight and claw and scramble my way to a victory each week. I can rest assured that my legacy is intact as one of the names on the front of the trophy (Only two spots left boys).

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not conceding the season just yet (of course, only being 3 points shy of having the league high for most points scored against me isn’t helping my cause in the win column), I’m just saying that I have no desire to spend as much money as last season on free agents, to stay up late enough to grab them off the wire as soon as they become available.

If I can't win, I'm throwing all my support towards Rock. You heard me, ROCK!

No, I don't hate him any less (calm down Joey), I just hate Devin more. Can you imagine Rock's name on the championship trophy and Ginny's still being absent? Words cannot express the awesome!

Week 2: Joe Pro to Wadhams - "Take This!"

It would probably be funnier if I knew how to superimpose my face over Jay Cutler's

Well, it finally happened. After 14 consecutive victories and a fantasy football championship I finally lost. Fitting how the loss came one year after the winning streak began. I think what disappoints me more is the fact that I’m the first NFL team to post a loss.

Ah well, there’s worse tragedies in life.

On a separate note, I fear that my league manager’s updates won’t be as interesting or entertaining as last season when I was unemployed and had all night to surf the internet and come up with ideas. Having a job that requires me to wake up early has really fucked things up.

But anyway, congratulations to everyone who won, and on a side note, my early projections system has Rock beating me pretty badly this week. Just saying that now so if/when I lose I can say I saw it coming.
___________________________________________________


P.S. Congratulations to Ginny on his boy's "fabulous" week in setting the single game completion percentage record. Well done, keep reaching for that rainbow!

Keeper List & Draft Order 2009

Alright, the keepers are in. And let me just say that these are not set in stone, we’ve always had an opt out feature in the event of an injury. So here’s the list, adjust your draft notes accordingly.

Timmy:

• Michael Turner, Atl RB
• Roddy White, Atl WR
• Peyton Manning, Ind QB
• Antonio Gates, SD TE

Rock:

• Maurice Jones-Drew, Jac RB
• Reggie Wayne, Ind WR
• Darren McFadden, Oak RB
• Matt Ryan, Atl QB

Urgie:

• Tom Brady, NE QB
• Anquan Boldin, Ari WR
• Wes Welker, NE WR
• DeSean Jackson, Phi WR

T-Smoke:

• Ronnie Brown, Mia RB
• Marshawn Lynch, Buf RB
• Terrell Owens, Buf WR

Joe Pro:

• Steven Jackson, StL RB
• Andre Johnson, Hou WR
• Greg Jennings, GB WR
• Philip Rivers, SD QB

Vic:

• LaDanian Tomlinson, SD RB
• Larry Fitzgerald, Ari WR
• T.J. Houshmandzadeh, Sea WR
• Donovan McNabb, Phi QB

Ginny:

• Matt Forte, Chi RB
• Randy Moss, NE WR
• Steve Slaton, Hou RB
• Kurt Warner, Ari QB

Joey:

• Chris Johnson, Ten RB
• Calvin Johnson, Det WR
• Steve Smith, Car WR
• Marion Barber, Dal RB

Spae:

• Frank Gore, SF RB
• Brian Westbrook, Phi RB
• Drew Brees, NO QB
• Pierre Thomas, NO RB

Wadhams:

• Adrian Peterson, Min RB
• DeAngelo Williams, Car RB
• Brandon Jacobs, NYG RB
• Dwayne Bowe, KC WR

Same gig as every year, the draft order is determined by the previous season's record. Playoff eliminations are determined by who had a better record, followed by regular season points scored.

1. Expansion Team 1
2. Expansion Team 2
3. Timmy – DNQ for Playoffs (3-10 Regular Season Record; 1297 Points For)
4. Rock – DNQ for Playoffs (4-9 Regular Season Record; 1194.5 Points For)
5. Urgie – DNQ for Playoffs (4-9 Regular Season Record; 1288 Points For)
6. T-Smoke – DNQ for Playoffs (5-8 Regular Season Record; 1289 Points For)
7. Joe Pro – Lost in 1st Round of Playoffs (7-6 Regular Season Record, 1380.5 Points for)
8. Vic – Lost in 1st Round of Playoffs (7-6 Regular Season Record, 1387 Points for)
9. Ginny – Lost in 2nd Round of Playoffs (7-6 Regular Season Record, 1492 Points for)
10. Joey – Lost in 2nd Round, Won 3rd Round game vs. Ginny (9-4 Regular Season Record, 1624.5 Points for)
11. Spae – Lost Championship Game
12. Wadhams – 2008 League Champion

Since everyone except T is keeping 4, here is how things will go:

1. Expansion Team 1*
2. Expansion Team 2
3. Expansion Team 1*
4. Expansion Team 2
5. Expansion Team 1*
6. Expansion Team 2
7. Expansion Team 1*
8. Expansion Team 2
9. T-Smoke
10. Expansion Team 1*
11. Expansion Team 2
12. Timmy
13. Rock
14. Urgie
15. T-Smoke
16. Joe Pro
17. Vic
18. Ginny
19. Joey
20. Spae
21. Wadhams

* - Denotes start of new round

From here on out, we’ll follow the draft order set forth in Round 5

The League Expansion

Rachel Phelps: Good morning, gentlemen. Welcome to another season of Underdogs Fantasy Football.

(The men applaud, but their hearts are barely in it)

Rachel Phelps: I know that it may not seem the same since I’m adding two teams this year, but I promise you by the end of the season this league will have made history.

(Several eyes roll up around the room)

Rachel Phelps: Unfortunately there are some in the press who feel that… “The ex-showgirl wife of Donald Phelps has no business being the owner of a fantasy football league.”

Rachel crumbles the paper and throws it away.

Rachel Phelps: The new season begins in two months.

(Throwing a sheet of paper on the table)

Here's the list of people we'll be inviting to camp this year.


___________________________________________________


Wadhams: Who are these fuckin’ guys?!


Urgie: I never heard of half these guys. And the ones I do know are way past their prime.


Spae: Most of these guys never had a prime.


Joey: (pointing to the picture of McNair) This guy here is dead.

Rachel Phelps: Cross him off then.

Week 16: Huh?

Wow, so many people to thank. So many people to apologize to. Let’s take things from the top.

First off… I really don’t know how to respond to this. I went to a university who’s football program was the punchline for every e-mail on the Jim Rome show regarding College Football futility. And when UB won the MAC Championship earlier this month, I was at a loss on how to react.

Simply put, dealing with winning is a new concept for me so please bear with me if I’m not responding properly.

Second, sleep was the cure. On Saturday night after the Sabres got fucked by the refs in Montreal, I left the Aud with two fantasy points to my name. When I got home, I checked the website and saw I was up to three (count em’) three points from Tony Romo with only about a quarter to play. Spae had already put up 20 points on a count of Dallas Clark’s Thursday night performance. Needless to say I was dejected after resigning myself to another year of losing in the championship game, so I just went to sleep around 11:00.

When I woke up I began thinking about how I was going to blame my misfortunes on Romo or the NFL schedule yielding a better matchup for Spae. Much to my surprise, Romo had put up 19 more points for me as I slept.

Fast forward to Sunday. Spae is beating me by almost 50 points going into the Giants/Panthers night game. Bear in mind that I’ve been up since 2:00AM and have been drinking XXX, so needless to say, I’m drunk and obnoxious. After resigning myself once again to a loss, I pass out on Rock’s couch.

Waking up at 3:00AM, I look at the website and see that between Brandon Jacobs & DeAngelo Williams, they combined to give me 195 yards rushing and 7 touchdowns!

And that’s how Wadhams won his first Fantasy Football Championship. I’ve been playing since 1998 & this was the first time I managed to win it all. So now “The Nigger Hating Dolphins” will be forever immortalized on the trophy.

In closing, Rock, Joe Pro & Vic are the last of the group to submit the entry fee. I paid Joey & Spae already so no rush, just get me the money please when you have the chance. I tallied up the acquisition fees as well. Remember this money is going to pay for the limo ride up to Canada.

Wadhams: Donating $300 of winnings to the limo
Joe Pro: $8
Ginny: $20
Vic: $7
Spae: $9
Urgie: $10
Timmy: $6
Rock: $55
Joey: $9
T-Smoke: $25

The grand total comes out to $449. I’m still exploring the options, but that would get us 8 hours in a 10 man limo at Buffalo Limousine.

Lastly, here's the final draft order for next season:

1. Timmy
2. Rock
3. Urgie
4. T-Smoke
5. Joe Pro (Regular Season 7-6, 1380.5 Points for)
6. Vic (Regular Season 7-6, 1387 Points for)
7. Ginny (Regular Season 7-6, 1492 Points for)
8. Joey (Regular Season 9-4, 1624.5 Points for)
9. Spae (Lost Championship Game)
10. Wadhams (2008 League Champion)

Congratulations on another great year. Hopefully you’ll join Joey & I in our NASCAR league starting in February, if not… till our fantasy fortunes meet again next fall.

Fixczer Delivers

___________________________________________________

Wadhams: "This blogspot account is erasing all my previous posts as soon as I put a new one up!"


Fry:“Fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it, fix it… fix it, fix it, fix
it!”

(Door Flies Open)


Professor Farnsworth: "Good News Everyone! I've discovered the source of your website's problems. Oh my, yes. You see, the template you're using contains code that scrambles and deletes everything new you post. Simply choose a new template, and you'll be free to add all your league manager notes that were previously rejected."

Fry: "Thanks Professor"