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Alright, just follow me on this one for a second. For those of you who might already be aware, I've steadily become a fan of Russia over the last few years. More specifically, I'm a big supporter of Vladimir Putin and his no nonsense approach to getting things done. I can't tell you how much I wish we had someone like that cleaning up this country. But this post isn't about my political beliefs.
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Anyway, in case you didn't know, nearly all Russian vehicles are equipped with dash-cams. You may have seen a few clips whenever the news does a story on that meteorite which entered the Earth's atmosphere a while back. Well these cameras have caught all sorts of craziness going on over there (mostly accidents), but it's a real nice peek into the bat-shit insanity that seems to take place on a regular basis in Russia. In fact, it makes me wonder how the hell they didn't stomp us into the ground during the cold war. The point is, I've become obsessed with these dash-cam videos and I thought I would describe each of the match-ups this week by explaining the outcomes through the lost art of animated gifs.
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Joey & Vic
After Joey put up the fewest points in the league last week, he was coming into this matchup looking to assert his dominance. In other words, Joey's team isn't the biggest or best right now, but they can still pound the hell out of someone weaker than they are. The fight in this picture is a lot like the score between the Bible Thumpers & Wadhams Total Fitness: One sided, and leaving us to ponder if it was humorous or sad. Poor Vic never had a chance.
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Spae & T-Smoke
Spae was riding high coming off the win over the champ last week. With gusto to spare, he wasn't about to let T-Smoke squeeze into the mix with a victory. But T, after getting back to his thug roots, pulled his gat on him and essentially said: "You're letting me in whether you want to or not". Sadly for Spae, he had to swallow his pride and just give up the position.
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B-Shorts & Don
A 96-91 final score isn't that exciting. But it was close (like a lot of the games this week). In the end, it was only a matter of inches (a couple more rushing/receiving yards), and things would have wound up a lot differently.
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Ginny & Joe Pro
This game was a shootout, plain and simple. Joe Pro jumped out to a big lead, but Ginny kept coming at him all afternoon and into the evening. Like in the gif: LEFT!!! RIGHT!!! SPIN MOVE!!! In the end, Joe Pro manages to get through it with a three and a half point victory. REALLY CLOSE CALL!
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Wad & Urgie
I'm a lot like the driver in the SUV here, moving along just fine. No problems, Brady only puts up 7 points for Urgie. It should be smooth sailing to victory right? Then, all of a sudden my team starts going off the road for no reason at all (Adrian Peterson only gets 5 points!) The next thing I know I get smashed. Just plain obliterated. Seriously did not see this coming.
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Rock & Davie
Was this really the championship match-up from last season? Seriously, was it? 82.5-78? Davie came into this game with the second most points scored all year behind only Ginny. He was going to put the hurt on the Rock and coast to an easy victory (He's a sitting duck. A road apple, Newman). Davie was supposed to be the unstoppable juggernaut like the semi pictured here; plowing through anything that comes across its path. But Rock is as lucky as the guy who climbs from the area of the truck where the windshield used to be. By all accounts he should've been destroyed, but somehow he continues to walk away unscathed when pretty much ANY OTHER PERSON would have been killed.
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